Posting safely on CB

[MaryA]

This week, a regular CB poster posted that she had been called into the gym for a conference, and then after that her profile here was closed. It doesn't take a genius to infer that the conference had to do with her posting about the gym here on CB (Bog had it pegged). I wanted to open a discussion about posting here. I suspect that I am too open with information here, but after a couple of years on CB, I view many of you as friends, and enjoy sharing meet reports, videos, etc. I would like to hear opinions on how to best balance using the CB for all of the things that it's good for... to get advice, to brag, to vent... without crossing that line and ending up in the gym for an emergency conference... or having my kid's face end up on a milk-carton!

Discuss...

 

[agymmom]

I noticed that, too and was wondering if it would be okay to start a thread about it.

I'm super-secretive. I pretty much post nothing online and it would be pretty hard for someone to figure who my dd is or where she takes gym. Unfortunately, because of my desire to remain completely anonymous, I feel like I can't post questions I would really love to have answered and I can't share videos.

I have no idea what the solution is, but maybe there is a middle ground. There is another message board I read that allows posters to "sign out" to ask certain questions which could out their screen name to others and it seems to work on that board, but I would also be worried that it could be used for people to be rude and/or take cheap shots at other posters.

I hope things work out okay for the now-missing poster -- she was a valuable contributor and I really hope her gym didn't force her to abandon this forum.

 

[Crowe68]

I caught that as well.....


I am a long time reader and have learned a lot from this site. There have been MANY, MANY times I wanted to post (question, vent, brag, etc.) but haven't for fear of getting "caught" by either the gym or a team parent. Sometimes you just can't tell a whole story when you have to leave out specific details.... but those details can get you in trouble.

Maybe if we leave the locations off of our public profiles that would help? I know just from seeing member's states I was able to figure out what gyms they are talking about...

 

[bogwoppit]

Well as you know I have been here for years, over this time I have become more and more careful how, and what, I share here. I also chose not to gripe about issues that someone could easily identify me by.

We may only have 200-400 members who post regularly, but we also have thousands of registered members on top of that we also have even more unregistered lurkers who come here frequently. The popularity of the CB means that you are all easily found if you share basic info or videos. Found by creepers, fans, loons and also people from your gym.

Most of you know that the forum rules highlight the issue of Internet safety, and also that the mods and admins are constantly reminding members to be careful what they reveal about themselves. I think some members here would be horrified how much can be found out about them by the "clues" they gradually share here.

There are no secrets on the Internet, and as we have seen this can come back to bite you. This was not the first incidence. In the earlier CB days we had a huge fight between members, one who said she could out the other so easily as she was giving away too much detail. It ot ugly for sure. Other members have been thrown out of their gyms for comments written here, and others for talking about gym moves.

 

[bogwoppit]

Just to add, we will never allow people to post as "guests", that just makes it way too easy for people to go crazy and ruins the development of community and relationships.

 

[xstitchcarina]

Oh my gosh are you serious? Wow, never thought of this. Of course I don't really have this problem, because I am probably the only Dutchy here. But still am shocked that coaches would use this forum to find out what possibly moms would post here. I think it would be really sad, if this is the case for the poster. I have no idea who this is, because I only just came back here, after 2 years of absence. I think she should just come back on, but then anonymously or something. i mean if she has been here for so long, probably picked up pointers and support for other moms or gymnasts and now has nothing. Very sad.

 

[bogwoppit]

The member we are discussing is still on the CB, just using a new name.

 

[xstitchcarina]

The member we are discussing is still on the CB, just using a new name.

Okay, that is good to hear.

 

[Ingwe]

I used to post on here under a different name. It never even crossed my mind that maybe my DD's coaches or gym owner would be on the site. It was very easy to figure out who I was.
One day I happen to be in her gym (which is rare for me as I usually drop off at the door) and during the time I was in the lobby CB was mentioned to me several times by both coaches and owner. Even though the conversation was very general it was very obvious to me that they were sending me a clear message.
I changed my profile name and now mainly read.

I would love for this to be a place to vent (right now I could vent up a storm lol), brag, share videos etc. but I know in my situation that I can't. I guess that's why there are PM's

I also don't think this is the place to go just to trash your gym, coach, kid'd teammates. I think if you are in a place where things are that bad then you should be speaking to the source.

Before I ever type anything I always think, is this something I would say to someone's face? If the answer is no, then I don't type it.

 

[Faith]

I hope the poster is ok. I'd noticed too.

I try not to post personal information, but I think if someone knew me irl, if they know where I'm located, it's pretty easy to work out. Like the above poster though, I only post things I'd say irl. It constantly surprises me how much personal information people post.

And as for YouTube etc, I'm sure I read somewhere that the majority of views of young gymnasts videos are from males in the 35-45 age group.

Another board I post on has two private boards- one can only be seen by posters with more than a certain number of posts, and the other, for photos of children etc, has moderates and you can only view if you're a known poster and are approved by the mod. Means general lurkers can't see, and it won't pop up on a google search...

 

[maryRS]

I'm pretty private for a lot of reasons. While I do trust some things, I still have an inherent distrust of anonymous (not in real life) discussion boards. It's not that I distrust most of the posters, just that it's not someone I know intimately so I'm not comfortable sharing things about myself that could be traced to me, or my kids. I will not put a gymnastic video of my daughter online here - I guess if I wanted to share it with someone here who I felt comfortable with I'd do it privately. I'm also not comfortable doing it because to me it is blatantly obvious that if I put her pic/video here, her leo/warmup will giveaway her gym, and at that point, I can never feel like I can speak of anything about her gymnastics, or a question or concern I may have because I would never want it getting back to my gym in that way.

I did notice the post by the person, and I saw Bogs response and it made sense, and while I never purposely tried to see who anyone was, at different times, I would see a video and maybe a familiar gym name or something like that, and yeah, most of those meets are online, and when you are posting scores, meetnames etc., well it is pretty easy to figure out who people are - and that is creepy because there are some creepy people out there.(

This week, a regular CB poster posted that she had been called into the gym for a conference, and then after that her profile here was closed. It doesn't take a genius to infer that the conference had to do with her posting about the gym here on CB (Bog had it pegged). I wanted to open a discussion about posting here. I suspect that I am too open with information here, but after a couple of years on CB, I view many of you as friends, and enjoy sharing meet reports, videos, etc. I would like to hear opinions on how to best balance using the CB for all of the things that it's good for... to get advice, to brag, to vent... without crossing that line and ending up in the gym for an emergency conference... or having my kid's face end up on a milk-carton!

Discuss...

 

[Blackie6]

I agree with everything that has been said. I have been a CBer for many years and have become pretty good at figuring people/gyms out by video or meet reports. With Youtube & Mymeetscores.com it is not hard to track someone down, not because I'm a stalker but more out of curiosity to check out a gym, score or meet. I am not sure I agree with kicking a child out of gym or off a team because of the actions of a parent on a forum (depends on what was written and if the gym can be easily figured out), but negative posting about coaches or gyms might just be the straw that broke the camels back in some situations. Gyms are still a business and if they feel what is posted is damaging to the name of their coaches or facility they will take action. People have been fired over things posted on social network like Face Book! I would say the best response is to be yourself, to an extent when contributing on public forums like this one. You can be honest without giving too much away about your child or gym. I have made many friends on CB over the years, those that I have formed a bond with either thru knowing they live in my state, in my region, connected w/on a personal level or have meet IRL, we now exchange e-mail addresses or communicate more personally thru FB. I think this is a great place to connect with people, exchange information, get advice on problems, but I would think twice about posting anything that could directly be seen as negative about either gym itself, coaches or other teamates. Those kid of gripes should probably be best done in private with a close friend. Just remember what you write here could possibly be read by EVERYONE in your gym! I have told people at my gym about this forum since it has been so helpful to me so I don't mind sharing, LOL!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I've been on here maybe 6 years now? I've lost track... maybe less..... at any rate..... When I first joined, I know I just blabbered on about EVERYTHING!!! I thought everyone on here was my "friend." Didn't realize how many people really just lurk here without joining or contributing to the community. I think the FIRST thing that made me more cautious was the fact that I had included my youtube link in my signature. I started getting all kinds of "youtube" friend requests on my DD's videos. When I checked these people out, they were "sketchy" to say the least... then many of them had their accounts banned... yes... RED FLAG!!! I removed my video links and any other identifying information.

I no longer post quite as frequently as I did. Part of that is because my DD quit team gymnastics (still does high school), but part of it is just erring on the side of caution!! As others have said, if you want to post something specific, make sure it's something that you would say directly to another's face! There IS NO privacy on the internet!

 

[gymgal]

I am glad this thread was started. It reminds us all to think before we post.

I never post anything negative about dd's gym - mainly because I really don't have any problems with it but even if I did, I wouldn't want to broadcast it. I'd rather go directly to the source - the owner - to clear the air. I am also careful not to post anything that might question the integrity of the program. Not just because I don't want to get in trouble with the owner but because if anyone reading my posts figures out where we're from, I want to make sure my writing puts a positive spin on the gym.

However, I do tend to post a lot about my dd because it helps in answering questions from other posters. But I try not to post glaringly specific information like what scores/place she got at a particular meet. I also don't post her picture or videos here, except for her avatar, which is too small and far away to gain any information.

 

[MaryA]

Another board I post on has two private boards- one can only be seen by posters with more than a certain number of posts, and the other, for photos of children etc, has moderates and you can only view if you're a known poster and are approved by the mod. Means general lurkers can't see, and it won't pop up on a google search...

Wish we had something like this!

 

[JessLW]

I'm pretty new here but I'm also a regular poster on several other boards (a mod on one), mostly boards for expats but one parenting board as well, and all of these do have an "upstairs," a forum that is restricted to posters who have met a certain post count (100 on 2 of my boards), where people can feel comfortable posting about more private issues. Like others said, these posts would not be searcheable on google and lurkers could not see them. That wouldn't stop coaches from becoming part of the community and gaining access, but it would be a bit of effort for someone to go through if their only intention was to try and find people bad-mouthing their gym. I think having a safe place like this, even if it were just a place where people felt more comfortable posting videos or pictures, would be a good thing to consider.

Sometimes it is hard to maintain a balance between safety and community. People feeling safe enough to speak candidly is a big part of maintaining a healthy sense of community on a board. If people feel like what they have to say is being monitored, they will not feel as comfortable posting, period. That said, it is easy to build up a false sense of security on the internet and common sense dictates that we need to maintain a certain sense of discretion when posting. The gymnastics community is not that large and it is relatively easy to piece together who is who, even from very little information, especially at higher levels. I personally don't think it is particularly fair that some posters are getting in trouble with their gyms over, what seemed to me (at least in the most recent case) to be relatively mild venting, but how coaches react to information that is posted publicly isn't really something CB can control.

 

[dmytv]

Attention club owners and coaches: You are providing a service. If a customer is not happy with that service and is posting here, then maybe you should take note of it and try to correct it. Remember the old saying; rule no.1- the customer is always right. Rule no. 2- refer to rule no. 1. "Calling" someone in is very unprofessional. Look, I had a problem wih my cable company this weekend; pretty sure the rant ended up on facebook. The cable company didn't stalk me. Pretty sure there is no such thing as a cable customer forum. They, end the end, even gave me a discount. Team gymnastics is a service that most parents pay a pretty penny for. And don't give me that stuff about how team makes no money. If that were true all gyms would be gymboree like. Team is money. It is good advertising for the gym and makes the rec kids want to come to class.The coaches or owners who are stalkers are the ones who should be banned and have to get new user names.

 

[wallinbl]

Attention club owners and coaches: You are providing a service. If a customer is not happy with that service and is posting here, then maybe you should take note of it and try to correct it.

Sure, but don't forget that people can say anything they want, true or not, with or without all the facts. The cable company can more easily absorb some negative publicity - they're a near monopoly. Your local gym is a guy/gal that loves gymnastics whose financial well being depends on the small business they've opened to do what they love. If half truths posted on the Internet start to cause fear or doubt about their business, it could be enough to cause them significant financial trouble.

Related to that, if I were a gym owner, I'd expect the parents come to me before airing it out with the public Internet. Maybe DD's gym is smaller than most, but I feel like I have a relationship with the coaches and the owner and owe it to them to talk to them about any problems.

 

[bogwoppit]

I assume you all do remember that we do have an "upstairs" here. We have the possibility of creating "private groups" , the only people who can see these are the admins, if you choose to set up your group that way. You can invite anyone you wish to it. We have a few that are used daily.

The only issue with these private groups is they do drive traffic of the regular forum as they are "underground". The admins never look at them unless someone complains, so there is bigger level of sharing on them.

 

[maryRS]

I agree with you, unfortunately we can't control how people are going to react, I would not want my child to have to suffer because of something I said on the internet. I don't know, I kind of think like this. I'm not the type of person to complain a lot. If I'm real unhappy with a situation at the gym, if it bothered me that much, I'd bring it up to them. But there are some things that I just want to ***** about, and maybe vent, or ask advice about. These are not necessarily things I want to bring to the gym at that time, so if I'm going to *****, I'd rather do it a bit anonymously here - so it would be foolish of me to out my daughter's gym in any obvious way. Not that I really complain here about the gym, but if I chose to, that is how I think.

Attention club owners and coaches: You are providing a service. If a customer is not happy with that service and is posting here, then maybe you should take note of it and try to correct it. Remember the old saying; rule no.1- the customer is always right. Rule no. 2- refer to rule no. 1. "Calling" someone in is very unprofessional. Look, I had a problem wih my cable company this weekend; pretty sure the rant ended up on facebook. The cable company didn't stalk me. Pretty sure there is no such thing as a cable customer forum. They, end the end, even gave me a discount. Team gymnastics is a service that most parents pay a pretty penny for. And don't give me that stuff about how team makes no money. If that were true all gyms would be gymboree like. Team is money. It is good advertising for the gym and makes the rec kids want to come to class.The coaches or owners who are stalkers are the ones who should be banned and have to get new user names.