WAG Scratched meet - am I overreacting?

[bookworm]

To me if they thought she was going "to get 3s and 4s for scores" at the Level 4 meet, why is she even out of level 3? She must have demonstrated competency in the level to be moved up ....I would not be happy to be informed of this by my 8 yr old and as you were there in the gym to pick her up, the coach should have spoken directly to you.

I 'd think long and hard about staying at a gym that operates like this...she's only level 4 so you have a lot of years going forward to worry about no communication with matters like this...

 

[aerials]

Wow, that's really bad communication. There is a girl on my dd level 4 team that might scratch bars because she does not have her kip. But she and her parents have known this for months.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I would be furious--not at the scratching (although I would think the coaches should make that decision well before the day or two days before the meet!), but at the lack of communication with you as the parent--it's not like your daughter is a teenager and should be expected to pass things on reliably (heck, I'd be upset even then! You are spending the money on the meet, they should make sure you know the reasons they have for her scratching.).

It reminds me of the time a year or two ago (time passes so quickly--I can't remember now how long it's been!), when my daughter was recovering from an injury (she spends every late fall recovering from an injury). First meet was coming up that weekend (first weekend of January) and at practice that day the coach says "raise your hand if you're competing this weekend" (which makes me wonder--why DO this? He knows who's competing!). My DD raised her hand and was told "XX, put your hand down, you're not competing!" Yup, that's the way she found out--right in front of the whole group. Turns out he had scratched her from the meet the previous week--never told her, me or mentioned it was a possibility at all (they did have the policy of not competing if you didn't have all the skills, but DD had her skills back--he just didn't know that because he hadn't been at practice for a week). When I emailed him about it, I was told she should have known she wasn't competing. Guess she was supposed to read minds!

Please let us know if you hear back from the coach and what they say. I suspect something happened at practice to bring about the ruling, but I still think it's wrong.

 

[mariposa]

I would be upset that it wasn't told in a joint meeting between parents and kid. She should be able to go and warm up and have decision made on each event. Just very unprofessional in my opinion.

 

[Ali'sMom]

To repeat everyone else, you are indeed NOT overreacting.

It's two parts - if it's legitimate about not competing because her scores would be "so low", did they not know this before last night???
And I agree with EVERYONE who is complaining about the communication. If my DD came home and said that, at 8, I'd be saying "I'm sure you misunderstood". Truth be told, I'd 100% think she heard something wrong, and there's no way she was right.

Good luck!!! I'm getting all worked up FOR you right now!

 

[kandkfunk]

To the OP, my first bit of advice is to breathe. I've been in your situation. It is upsetting, frustrating and confusing and that's just what you are probably feeling. On top of your feelings and emotions, you have to help your little one struggle with this. For the kids, it can be very embarrassing, especially if the decision is made and communicated in front of the other kids.

This happened to my DD a lot during her first season of (old) level 4. She got a new coach right after she was moved up to team and that coach didn't think she was ready but couldn't move her back down. We would usually find out which events she was scratching the night before a meet. It varied depending on how she did at practice. During that first year, she scratched bars, floor and vault at one point or another. She never competed all 4 events until the last meet to qualify for sectionals. Somehow, she pulled out a qualifying score. Surprised the heck out of her coach.

The best thing you can do is help your daughter learn how to cope with this. She gets an early lesson that gymnastics isn't always fair. For my daughter, it made her work harder. I know this wouldn't work for all kids but sometimes it really depends on how the parents present the situation.

You have a right to be angry and upset, especially with the lack of communication. I don't want to minimize your feelings because I can still remember how it felt. It's been many years since we dealt with this, but I'm still not fond of that coach. However, the years have given me the perspective needed to see that in the grand scheme of my DD's gymnastics career, that year was merely a bump in the road.

Good luck!

 

[Aussie_coach]

That is a huge problem. If the coach did not know until the day before the meet that she was not gimg to meet expectations, I would be very worried about theircoaching ability.

 

[gymdog]

You need to get the coach or owner by phone TONIGHT. I would be hesitant to bring her meet ready to set her expectations since you still don't know what's going on. It might make it worse. But I would definitely bring all her stuff just in case.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

As far as "does this happen?" I can say that yes, I know several girls on my DDs team who scratched EVENTS at meets because they either did not have the skills safely or (more often) had various blocks in performing them. And yes, this could be decided as late as the day before a meet, as our gymnasts have to show the coach they are ready for each and every meet the week leading up to it.... If skills/routines are not performed to the coaches standards, the gymnasts scratches that event. Period.

Our gym does not send kids out to embarrass themselves, so yes, if the coach deemed your skills/routines were seriously sub-par, you would be scratched. Simply low scoring but safe..? You could compete, as long as all the elements were there and you could complete the routine with zero spotting. We had one gymnast last year who routinely scored in the 6's and 7's on bars. The coaches let her compete because she could safely do it all. It's their goal to have all gymnasts capable of scoring 8's on each event (we live in a hard scoring area, 9's are rarely seen until the end of season).

That said.... I wouldn't necessarily be OK with the gymnast scratching the whole meet, especially with no communication from the coach to you. I feel for your DD, that's heartbreaking to a kid!!! I hope the communication with the coach(es) bring about some solution. Please go at it with an open mind and be prepared that there may be more to it, there may be some not-so-fun truth and reasoning behind their decision and you may have to accept some things you don't want to. I don't know your DD so of course it could turn out to be a great conversation too, I have just had to deal with several parents who are vastly overestimating their kids' abilities and it is always difficult for all involved when you have to have that conversation and the parents refuse to accept the reality of things.
Hopefully it's simply that your DD perhaps misunderstood something and everything will turn out great!

 

[dynamicduo]

Yikes, talk about poor communication! Hope you get some feedback from the coach before you head to the meet tomorrow!

I have to share what happened a few years ago at my DDs first meet. We were a small team of 5 girls and this was the first meet ever for any of them, and one little girl wasn't' strong on the vault and she was scratched. I was next to the mom and she was quite upset about it, but agreed with the scratch because she couldn't even get over it! The next event was bars, and again her DD was scratched…but we didn't know why. She didn't even get to warm up. I thought this mom was going to walk right out onto the floor and ring the coaches neck she was so livid. After the comp, she asked the coach and she said that the HC decided 2 nights before the meet that her DD would be scratched on both of those events, but I guess the message didn't' get relayed. SO, at least you are going into this comp knowing that she will (maybe) be scratched from the whole competition!

And, now, all the girls (and parents) know full well that the HC has the right to scratch them on events the week of the meet, or even during warm up at the competition!

 

[kandkfunk]

Yikes, talk about poor communication! Hope you get some feedback from the coach before you head to the meet tomorrow!

I have to share what happened a few years ago at my DDs first meet. We were a small team of 5 girls and this was the first meet ever for any of them, and one little girl wasn't' strong on the vault and she was scratched. I was next to the mom and she was quite upset about it, but agreed with the scratch because she couldn't even get over it! The next event was bars, and again her DD was scratched…but we didn't know why. She didn't even get to warm up. I thought this mom was going to walk right out onto the floor and ring the coaches neck she was so livid. After the comp, she asked the coach and she said that the HC decided 2 nights before the meet that her DD would be scratched on both of those events, but I guess the message didn't' get relayed. SO, at least you are going into this comp knowing that she will (maybe) be scratched from the whole competition!

And, now, all the girls (and parents) know full well that the HC has the right to scratch them on events the week of the meet, or even during warm up at the competition!

We went into DD's first meet thinking she was scratching bars and vault. The rotation got them to floor before vault and my DD didn't warm up floor. She ended up scratching. It was confusing. I could tell she was upset. I started crying and had to excuse myself. It turns out the coach decided my DD was scratching floor but competing vault but that never got communicated. I will never forget the look on my DD's face or the feelings I felt as a mom.

 

[Gymsanity]

Is there a real gym in your area???

 

[LizzieLac]

Is it possible your DD misunderstood something that was said? I can't tell you how many time the girls in my DD's hear something different when the coach addresses them as a group...like 99% of the time. It seems VERY ODD to tell a child she is being scratched from a meet two days before. A coach might say "That BHS is not ready for competition this weekend." And then a child hears, "I am not ready for competition this weekend" or "I am not competing this weekend."

Either way, go to the gym if it isn't too far. Emails sit unread to easily.

 

[gymmomof1]

Wow that is harsh. Coach should have had a clue way before last night that he/she didn't think your little one was ready. Hope it works out.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Wow -- I would definitely be angry and would definitely speak with the coach to understand the entire situation. After the weekend I would want to schedule a meeting with the coach for a longer discussion about all of this. The only time our coach scratched a girl from a meet was for talking during the last practice before the meet. While I would have been annoyed if it had been my daughter, the entire team was very, very clear on the "no talking during practice" rule. (For the record, I think the rule is absurd, but at least it is clear.)

As a side question -- what is it with coaches and communication? Do they honestly think that our elementary girls are going to get everything right to relay on? We do get a clear "you complete at this time" email before meets from the coach, but that's about it. He has instituted lots of rules (see above) that I would really like to know about so I can help DD find ways to comply and/or understand. Would it be so hard to send an email or send home a notice like they do at school? I mean, schools understand that the kids won't carry the message perfectly all the time.

 

[Ginger]

Thanks for all the support.
The coach emailed back and said she has been telling my DD for one month or so, and that the problem is not the lack of abilities or skills, but the lack of effort. Which I don't necessarily disagree with (that was actually my first though - does the coach want to motivate her?). She also claimed she is trying to protect my DDs self-esteem. Which I do disagree (her self-esteem was actually very shaken last night), but won't argue.
I understand the coach can't reverse her own decision (as coachp mentioned) and I don't expect her to. But when I asked what the plans for my daughter are (maybe she wants to put her back to L3?) she became defensive again and claimed she is not working today and that I need to set up the meeting with the owner to discuss that.
Actually, it would make sense. Under our state rules, every USAG sanctioned meet is considered 'sectional'. So if my DD competes tomorrow, she can't move her down to L3.
And yes, we're considering to leave this gym. The lack of communication causes so much tense. This is not the first time.
(the owner still hasn't written back. I am trying to set the meeting ASAP, as the meet fee for the next two meets are due by the end of next week. Plus I would like try to get a refund for another two that are already paid, in case the meeting won't go well)

 

[OrangeArt]

Don't have anything to add that hasn't already been mentioned, I just wanted to say my heart really goes out to your daughter I can imagine how that must feel to an 8yo. I don't blame your reaction at all...

 

[Anna's_Mom]

If you decide to stay, perhaps you could encourage hc to set up some sort of progress report system to avoid misunderstandings and unwelcome surprises. It would have been so much easier if you had known this might be coming.

 

[Ginger]

One more question, how should I approach my ODD about it? She was very shaken last night, claiming she doesn't want to compete without her little sister. So, first meet of the season = enough pressure, first meet at new level = even more pressure, and now she has to cope even with extra pressure. How to help her through it?

 

[Anna's_Mom]

One more question, how should I approach my ODD about it? She was very shaken last night, claiming she doesn't want to compete without her little sister. So, first meet of the season = enough pressure, first meet at new level = even more pressure, and now she has to cope even with extra pressure. How to help her through it?

Oof, that's hard. You want your kids to support one another, but not to the point it harms them. For me, I would probably emphasize that the girls were different, with different strengths and challenges, so each girl would have her times of success and times of failure (probably find a better word). Tell her it is good that she cares about her sister but she also needs to focus on her goals here. And if you can get little sis to tell big sis that she wants her to compete and do well, that would probably be the very best thing. There are times when I'm glad a have a girl and a boy and they are into very different sports. And then there are the days when two sports means two competitions in two different towns....