WAG Scratched meet - am I overreacting?

[happychaos]

In addition to what has already been mentioned by others, I am bothered by the fact that the coach is telling your DD she would score in the 3's. If your DD did reasonably well in L3, I find it hard to believe she would score in the 3's, especially on beam and floor. It would be hard to score a 3 on vault, too. I have seen some pretty sketchy vaults early in the L4 season, but they usually score in the low 7's or high 6's.

If your DD really is only able to score 3's, then the coach had no business leading your DD on, letting her think she had chance to compete L4. If your DD really isn't competent or safe, you and your DD should have been informed LONG ago.

 

[Ginger]

If you decide to stay, perhaps you could encourage hc to set up some sort of progress report system to avoid misunderstandings and unwelcome surprises. It would have been so much easier if you had known this might be coming.

I know, but she is one of the people that are not easy to approach, and I don't think she would listen to anyone. I try to keep my distance as much as I can.
The gym is very convenient to us - quite close and offers family rate (important for us because we have 3 kids in the sport). The only other gym in the area that offers the family max doesn't do USAG (AAU maybe?)

 

[Orangesoda]

Just to play devils advocate here, is it possible your dd really needed a serious wake-up call? Don't get me wrong, I'd be furious too, but I think maybe I'd keep my anger to myself in front of my kids. They're not going to gain anything if all they see is how unjust the actions of the coach are. Is it possible your daughter needed some humbling?

I don't know the answers and again, I don't condone what the coach did nor how they did it. Just positing a question for you to consider.

 

[bookworm]

Thanks for all the support.
1. that the problem is not the lack of abilities or skills, but the lack of effort.

2. she became defensive again and claimed she is not working today and that I need to set up the meeting with the owner to discuss....

3.the owner still hasn't written back. I am trying to set the meeting ASAP, as the meet fee for the next two meets are due by the end of next week. Plus I would like try to get a refund for another two that are already paid, in case the meeting won't go well)

Point #1: So the coach scratched her not because she can't do the routines or the skills but the coach sees it as a lack of effort? She must be doing something in the way of effort if she progressed from Level 3 to 4 and doesn't "lack the abilities or skills" of the level....this seems like BS to me...

Point #2: "defensive again"...only going to get worse, enough said on that

Point #3: do not give them another nickel!!! I'd be like "well she was due to compete last week and that didn't happen and it wasn't communicated to the payer of the bills" ...

I'd get the heck out of there...

 

[Ginger]

In addition to what has already been mentioned by others, I am bothered by the fact that the coach is telling your DD she would score in the 3's. If your DD did reasonably well in L3, I find it hard to believe she would score in the 3's, especially on beam and floor. It would be hard to score a 3 on vault, too. I have seen some pretty sketchy vaults early in the L4 season, but they usually score in the low 7's or high 6's.

I think she didn't tell my little girl. She told my husband when he called her last night. But it bothers me anyway. Why she can't give us a valid reason? If she told him she did it to motivate her, I would have supported her decision. Plus I still don't know the REAL reason. I only can guess.
She has all her skills, she knows the routines. 7s is the very lowest I can think of. But she might be even in mid-8s if she focuses on her form. She did that last night on beam. She definitely put a lot of effort in that beam stuff, as the coach wanted her to.

 

[Ginger]

Just to play devils advocate here, is it possible your dd really needed a serious wake-up call? Don't get me wrong, I'd be furious too, but I think maybe I'd keep my anger to myself in front of my kids. They're not going to gain anything if all they see is how unjust the actions of the coach are. Is it possible your daughter needed some humbling?

I don't know the answers and again, I don't condone what the coach did nor how they did it. Just positing a question for you to consider.

She definitely didn't need humbling, but she needs to work on her focus and give it 100% every time she does something. So I could live with one schratched meet if the purpose was to motivate her, IF the coach was open and clear about it.

 

[skschlag]

ok..sorry..she's 8. Focus and motivation at 8 can be sketchy. She is not a 10 yo level 9. She is 8!! I am sorry...I just don't buy it. You get more success with positives...imho

 

[Ginger]

@bookworm - BS is the word my husband keeps using when talking about this. I wasn't sure it was allowed here

 

[twinmomma]

She definitely didn't need humbling, but she needs to work on her focus and give it 100% every time she does something. So I could live with one schratched meet if the purpose was to motivate her, IF the coach was open and clear about it.

This is my daughter. She's a solid L3 gymnast this year, but certainly not achieving what she's capable of, in large part because she's one of the top two in her gym, and doesn't have really any higher scoring/achieving gymnasts to motivate her. And I could live with a scratched meet for her for the same reasons you expressed. But I would be LIVID if this happened at our gym. And let me tell you communication is one of the biggest thing our gym needs to improve on. That said, we had a girl this year who had major fear issues on beam and couldn't get all of her bar skills. And she fell apart every meet before beam and coach would scratch her right before. She FINALLY did beam last weekend and still bailed out of her handstand, but she got back up and finished. She bailed out of her dismount too and still got over a 6. So I have a REALLY hard time believing a girl who can go through the motions of all the skills is going to score below a 7, even in our highly competitive area. TO me this sounds like a coach feeding you a line of BS assuming you dont' know anything about the sport, which irritates the bejeezus out of me.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I agree with orangesoda, Simply put what is done is done, now you and your husband must decide NOW if you want to turn this into a positive situation(which you totally can). Meaning jump on board and tell your dd to put more effort into her training. Then in secret demand better communication from her coaches. Your child will get better. Remember sports do this, hockey, football etc... Except its called warming the bench. this is your chance to benefit from this.

 

[Ginger]

@coachp - better communication from her coaches won't happen. It has been an issue for awhile. The coach in question is a very good coach, my daughters made an incredible progress during the past few months they are in her training group. And I am sure they will keep progressing, if we decide to stay.
But the problem is, I can't get clear answers from her. Ever. Too much mind games for my taste. That bomb that was dropped on us last night wasn't the first, and definitely isn't the last.

 

[COz]

...the coach is telling your DD she would score in the 3's.

I suspect that this ^ is the bit that might have been misheard. The coach was probably mumbling, not wanting to clarify to a parent who they knew wasn't happy and probably said something about getting a better score in the 3's, meaning in the L3 group.

Encouraging gymnastics coaches to communicate better doesn't seem to work well. We have easy access to our coaches, can call the HC and ask questions etc, but they still think asking 6yo kids to deliver messages about one off changes to training times won't end in disaster some coaches 'do' communication, some can be encouraged and improve, and some just don't do it. Just like everywhere else I suppose.

For me, it does come down to whether you trust the coach and the gym. Trust is really hard to regain. We're moving on from a dance school because of lousy communication and now trust/honesty issues amongst other things. Believe me, I tried to get things to improve and even defended the situation many many times. There is a line however and you can feel when it has been crossed. You then have to decide what you're willing to put up with and I think that's largely based on how much you trust the people involved.

 

[Ginger]

For me, it does come down to whether you trust the coach and the gym. Trust is really hard to regain. We're moving on from a dance school because of lousy communication and now trust/honesty issues amongst other things. Believe me, I tried to get things to improve and even defended the situation many many times. There is a line however and you can feel when it has been crossed. You then have to decide what you're willing to put up with and I think that's largely based on how much you trust the people involved.

That's exactly what I am trying to figure out at this point. Do I trust her coaching abilities? I do. I don't always approve of her methods, but they seem to work in the end. And, when I think about it, this may be one of her not-so-pretty methods.
But... there is something that seems so off. I really wish I could be open about all my concerns with her, but I feel like I am always tiptoeing around her and that she doesn't want to be open and clear about things.

ETA: and as for the owner, I think she really doesn't care much about her gymnastics program. She is actually a very good gymnastics coach also and she could make a lot of difference, but it seems all she cares about is cheer.

 

[Momof2]

I would not be happy at all. If the coaches sign my child up for a meet and I pay for it then my child will be there competing. It would be good experience anyways regardless of how she scores. Also the coaches telling your daughter and not you is unprofessional and I would be livid.

 

[COz]

That's exactly what I am trying to figure out at this point.
...
But... there is something that seems so off.

There's your answer.

If I trust the coaches and something isn't working or I don't agree with a decision or the terrible communication etc. then I feel kind of exasperated, frustrated, but when I don't trust them, I feel angry, hurt, let down, betrayed and more angry. You're sounding (to me), on the angry side of things, more than just a frustrated vent, you don't feel that this is ok even though you can rationalise parts of the decision.
If you trust the coaches, then you'll have had a 'No I'm not!' Reaction to my last sentence

 

[gymdog]

Yeah this is just not okay. If the coach wants to do this to motivate the child, which I don't have a big problem with, SHE NEEDED TO DO IT BY THE SCRATCH DEADLINE. she could have easily made her point that way and wasting around $100 of someone's money is NOT OKAY.

Also, not okay with you bringing up the possibility of going back to level 3 in a non threatening way and then the coach saying that you are wasting her time. If your daughter really IS struggling, you just gave her the easiest out ever, but if she is not taking it then it makes me wonder why.

I hope that your discussion with the owner can at least clarify things for this season, but I wonder how many levels this coach coaches? It doesn't sound like a great fit long term and that is concerning...but if it is just one year I think you can make it through.

 

[Ginger]

If we stay, it would be just for the rest of this season. Five months to go. I kind of got overexcited about my daughters' progress over the past few months. I should have known this excitement wouldn't last long, given the history
Anyway, thanks for the great support here and I'll let you all know tomorrow how the meet went.

 

[gymmommy123]

What a frustrating situation for you and both your daughters. It sounds a bit like my dd's old gym. They were terrible with communication, excellent coaches but really poor dealing with my husband and I. They hated talking with us so would send messages via our 6 yr old child, and if I ever asked a question it was, "we don't know yet." In the end, we made a move, and have been far happier since we moved. The owner/HC is actually approachable, and smiles, and chats with you! It's so refreshing! They have moved girls up a level and then moved them back down if they lost a skill, etc., but it certainly wasn't a day before the meet! And it was legitimate, where a skill(s) were unsafe to compete. As for 3's, I've just not yet seen anything like that. Last meet I watched, there was a team of girls that were clearly very unprepared. Some were spotted on nearly every skill on bars, and could barely make a pullover. If they weren't spotted, they were consistently falling (one poor girl fell on her shoot-thru, mill circle, and front hip circle, then fell on her dismount!) They were scoring in the 5's. It would have been so much fairer to your dd to move her to L3 for a few meets at the beginning and then put her up to L4 if they felt she wasn't ready to compete L4. I hope you can find some resolution!

 

[SignHere]

I hate when coaches send important info thru a 6 yr old child! I would cringe at DDs old gym when I saw the team coach sitting with all the girls gathered around her, talking for a lengthy amount of time, or talking to the girls for any length of time while they were in team line up!

After practice, I. could ask DD what the coach was talking about for such a long time, and she'd answer " Unicorns. And candy. "
Clearly not what the coach was talking about. But what she was thinking about!

 

[txgymfan]

I hate it when ANYONE sends information verbally through a young child.