Parents Should non competing injured teammate be excluded/included from victory celebration?

[emorymom]

Your daughter's point that she has been conditioning all this time shows that she was committed to coming back strong for the team as soon as possible. She has not been doing the fun stuff but sometimes on a team you just do your part even if it does not bring your glory. It's not her fault that she did not heal enough. I think the gym has the wrong perspective.

 

[tgc]

I did not talk to many people about this. I only told my good friend, who's daughter is compulsory and not involved and one father. The father's daughter is one of the optional girls who competed. He was very upset. He wanted to know why it was even up to the girls. My friend talked to another compulsory family and they thought it was just plain wrong. Of course, my friend does not agree either. The party was Friday at the end of gym. My DD wanted to leave 30 minutes early, and I said of course.

 

[Chocoholic]

Not only do I think it was wrong to have a party that does not include some of the girls, but the original concept for the party seems odd. I understand it was meant to motivate the team, but it sounds way too complicated to serve that role effectively.

 

[UnoMas]

I'm very sorry this happened. None of this seems right to me, and I am very sad for your daughter to have to go through something like this. I can't imagine why anyone would think that this kind of situation is a good idea, and how anyone could think that it in any way would be beneficial to a TEAM, well, I just don't understand. There is enough competitiveness and drama in this sport without adding extra opportunities to exclude people based on some strange criteria. Again, I'm very sorry. I am glad you let your daughter leave practice early!

 

[gymster]

And the plot thickens! Really?????????? This is so wrong on so many levels! I am so sorry for your DD and I know how it breaks your heart for her!

 

[3rd_time_around]

Thank you for your support and understanding. I did not understand the reasoning and my DD did not. She cried her heart out last night. I made things worse for her by talking to her head coach, because she was so much happier thinking he was not involved. To help her process we just decided some adults have bad logic and the girls were faced with a difficult decision. They may have had no party if they included her. Still, she cried herself to sleep. She says every day all she does is condition. And she looks over and they are all having so much fun doing gymnastics and how she wants to lie and say the doctor says go ahead and she feels great so she can start doing fun things again.

Yes, she has trained as a team member the entire time. I have paid for all the meets because we thought she would compete.

Again, thank you for letting me know that I am not crazy and it still feels wrong.

It is wrong. If I were you and I had options of another gym, I'd look into them. My daughter broke her elbow halfway through level 5, but was still included in everything, even team podium pictures at meets. She had surgery on it that took her halfway into level 6 season. She still was included in everything, like team podium pictures at meets and any team events. It really helped her while she was recovering to still be included. She had many a day of boring conditioning and wanting to quit, but stuck it out and is still doing gymnastics. If her team or coaches had treated her like this, I don't think she would have made it through that ordeal.

Your daughter is still part of the team. She trains the hours and is part of the team. But this team doesn't sound like much of a "team." I'm very sad and angry for your daughter.

 

[gymmommy72]

I agree with all of the comments....this was so very wrong!!! I don't think, as a parent, I could step into the gym without feeling anger. It would be the straw that broke the camels back and I would really consider looking at other gyms. No girl should be treated this way. The gym is NOT fostering a TEAM spirit...and that leads to way too much drama...find a gym with a TEAM atmosphere...it changes everything Let's us know how you're daughter is dealing with this all....too sad...hugs to her!!

 

[gymjoy]

As sad and anger inducing as this situation is, especially with the owner and coaches knowing involvement, it is a good chance to teach your dd to rise above this kind of madness.

Your dd's feelings are hurt, and those can be the hardest things to heal. I have been there myself and with my dd, many of us have. I do not know whether leaving this gym is an option you and your dd want to take, but either way, she can come out of this a stronger person with a better sense of herself. She can go into gym with her head held high because she knows that she will never treat someone else the way she was treated. She can take the higher road - as they say. It will be difficult and awkward for a while because what we all want to give those who bruise our spirits a bruising punch in the gut. We want to make them feel as bad as we do, but it usually just makes us look bad - or worse then the original offenders.

However, she can focus on herself and her own gymnastics - because success is the best revenge

 

[cher062]

What the heck is wrong with these people these are just kids!!!! This is so wrong on so many levels. What happened to TEAM and working together and supporting each other??? Honestly this is something that would have me looking at new gyms. I want a gym that everyone is included and there is a strong feeling of TEAM on the Team!!!

How about you and the other moms hosting a sleepover for the injured team mates?? Something really cool. We have a movie place around our home that does the movie with dinner called Chunky's Cinima Pub. Their food is about the quality of Applebee's and my DD loves going there! Figure out how much it would cost per person everyone pays their own way and everyone has a blast. You could set it up like a B-day party at one of these places to get the cheaper price.

 

[gymjoy]

What the heck is wrong with these people these are just kids!!!! This is so wrong on so many levels. What happened to TEAM and working together and supporting each other??? Honestly this is something that would have me looking at new gyms. I want a gym that everyone is included and there is a strong feeling of TEAM on the Team!!!

How about you and the other moms hosting a sleepover for the injured team mates?? Something really cool. We have a movie place around our home that does the movie with dinner called Chunky's Cinima Pub. Their food is about the quality of Applebee's and my DD loves going there! Figure out how much it would cost per person everyone pays their own way and everyone has a blast. You could set it up like a B-day party at one of these places to get the cheaper price.

The eye for an eye thing is not any better than what happened in the first place. It only serves to lower yourselves to the same low level of reasoning and feeling as those that left these girls out in the first place. The injured girls might have a great time, feel like they are getting back at those girls, but it would be a false sense of satisfaction. It would not help rebuild the team spirit. It would only drive the wedge deeper.

Don't get me wrong, I do not think the injured girls should go into the gym and try to be the best friends with the other girls. I always tell my dd that she does not have to be friends with all her team-mates (there have been some she was not fond of at all), but she must treat them with respect - even if they don't treat her with respect. She does not have to grovel or let them walk all over her, but she should never stoop to their low behavior.

 

[tgc]

When I was first told about this and really angry I suggested that we have ice cream and toppings at the gym for the injured girls at the same time as they other girls were having their pizza party. My DD said no, because that would hurt her teammate's feelings. So then I suggested we contribute the ice cream to the celebration, but allow everyone to have ice cream. For a second she thought that would be cool, but then she said no because that would make them feel bad for excluding her. She is all about team. For her birthday we baked cupcakes for every girl on the team and not just her group. She wanted to include the boys too, but we only had time to bake 46 cupcakes. Even Friday, she loaned her wristbands to the girls in her group so they could do strap bar, knowing that they had cut her from the party. I told her that she is a good teammate and she told me that she was a better one than I would be. I knew she was right. Now, I am just trying to support her and be a good example again.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Second, after the first meet they were all promised a party if their scores improved by a certain percent over the first set of scores. The other injured teammate scored fairly high on beam and floor at the first meet.

I just asked my DD this question and she was shocked that they would not include any injured teammate! She also told me that she would not go to the party herself because it would not be fair to the other girls! Me thinks I might have raised her right!!! I am so sorry this happened to your DD!! I do have one question that I maybe did not understand in your posts. If they had kept the scores earned by the injured gymnasts at the first meet in the calculations would they have still earned the party?

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

you have one very awesome kid there! You should be proud of her and you obviously have done something right with her! kudos to both of you!!

 

[tgc]

If they had kept the scores earned by the injured gymnasts at the first meet in the calculations would they have still earned the party?

I think they would have still earned the party, but the vote and decision were made before they competed.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

proud of your daughter. ashamed for those coaches.

 

[cher062]

Wasn't really suggesting an eye for an eye thing but more of a fun event so the excluded wouldn't feel bad about missing something fun. I also would hope that the girls who have been excluded wouldn't then go back and to the team and to the "Look what we did" knowing how bad they felt.

Nothing is going to rebuild Team spirit with the way the owners and coaches are driving the wedge in between these girls but I still feel those that have been excluded should have their own fun night as opposed to no fun night. I would have no problem at all saying to my DD well since you can't go there would you like a sleep over at the house and invite the others who can't go to the gym party?

 

[pixie flips]

ugh, a double whammy! First she gets hurt then excluded because she was hurt?

I just don't understand the thinking behind this at all! All that would do is prove to be divisive.
Not a good way to teach a lesson on what exactly a team is, imo.


So sorry she is going through this. But it sounds like she has her head on straight.
Hopefully her attitude served as a lesson to whomever it was that needed it.

~hugs

 

[gymster]

That is one Awesome kid you got There! You have obviously done something right! She gets the GOLD In my book! Congrats! Because she was better than alot of us! I was spit fire mad after reading about this and it was not me or my kid! But WOW what a kiddo she turned it around and brought forth the true spirit of TEAM! A True Champion! :O)

When I was first told about this and really angry I suggested that we have ice cream and toppings at the gym for the injured girls at the same time as they other girls were having their pizza party. My DD said no, because that would hurt her teammate's feelings. So then I suggested we contribute the ice cream to the celebration, but allow everyone to have ice cream. For a second she thought that would be cool, but then she said no because that would make them feel bad for excluding her. She is all about team. For her birthday we baked cupcakes for every girl on the team and not just her group. She wanted to include the boys too, but we only had time to bake 46 cupcakes. Even Friday, she loaned her wristbands to the girls in her group so they could do strap bar, knowing that they had cut her from the party. I told her that she is a good teammate and she told me that she was a better one than I would be. I knew she was right. Now, I am just trying to support her and be a good example again.

 

[bookworm]

Sorry but this whole scenario is unacceptable from the owner, HC, other girls on the "team", and their parents (who must be in on this whole thing) ...I would either return to her old harder scoring gym or find a new one...this whole attitude is unhealthy for your daughter at this point and going forward..

 

[gymster]

Sorry but this whole scenario is unacceptable from the owner, HC, other girls on the "team", and their parents (who must be in on this whole thing) ...I would either return to her old harder scoring gym or find a new one...this whole attitude is unhealthy for your daughter at this point and going forward..

In life we always deal with unacceptable scenarios! We do not just quit and runaway from them! How fortunate you were to be able to see Your child rise above the NONSENSE and be better than most!