suggestions on how to deal with petty ex HC at meet

[Galadriel]

The next competition we will be at together - and the issue is - about 6 girls moved at more or less the same time to our new gym
Mainly kept up friendships with old team mates.
The last time they were at a meet with old gym there, there was an incident where - of course the girls talked to each other and caught up if they hadn't met for a while.
The ex hc saw this and went ballistic. Called their girls away from ours and told them they were not allowed to talk to them.
This obviously upset them.
We have the same potential scenario coming up very soon and i wonder if you have any ideas on what tack to take both with our own girls and the hc? Dont want to tell them to keep away from their friends - especially if they come over to us!
This is at a weekend event where the girls will watch the others in different age groups etc in the seating area and will be mingling round the cafe and common areas.
uggghhh. i hate this stuff!

Has anyone experienced this type of thing?

 

[cher062]

That coach needs to grow up. Unfortunatly you can't change how people act you only have control over how you act. Take the high road and be courtious no matter how stupid this gal acts.

As far as the girls go this is something in life they have to learn to deal with too. I would just remind them that their old coach had a problem with them talking to thier friends and if they do decide to say HI they may experience the same outburst as they did before. Don't tell them not to talk to their friends. When watching other sessions the coach shouldn't even be involved in what the girls are doing or not doing their parents are the ones taking care of that until its time for them to compete. So if its not happening when you are coaching let the parents deal with it. Let the parents of these girls know that this could happen again and that during the competition you are going to limit contact with the other team but if they want to say HI or what ever do it when they are not competing and its a parent controlled time.

 

[TXmom]

I had something like this happen to me. I rode as a child and through adulthood in the Hunters/Equitation. When I was 12 years old my parents moved myself and of course the horses to a new barn and trainer. It was difficult for me, as I had been with same trainer for years but due to moving up in the sport and what the old trainer could do, we needed to move, since my goal was long term in the sport. I thought the move was on good terms and old trainer seemed happy for me. I kept in touch with my barn mates and we would do our normal warm ups and hanging around with each other at shows. When I saw the old trainer for the first time at a local show, it was terrible, he said some awful things and told the old barn mates they couldn't associate with us or other people from my new barn. Of course being 12, I was devastated and didn't understand.

My parents spoke to the new trainer, since I had not said anything and the next horse show new trainer pulled aside old trainer and they had a "talk", from then on things were good. He would say hi and even as I became older and moved up, if he saw us at local shows, he would watch us go and compliment the work we had done. To this day I don't know what was said to turn it around but from a child's eye having an adult upset with me was the worst thing I could experience.

I think no matter what the sport there will be changes, which may include a change in facilities but no matter how upset an old HC is, he should NEVER take that out on the child. If they want to discuss it with the parents...go right ahead but keep the children oblivious to their misplaced anger or frustration. Kids are kids once, let's not teach them about petty adult crud just yet! I'm sorry your child has to deal with this, I hope it's better at your next meet!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I would let the girls know that it's ok to talk to their friends, but they may experience the same reaction from old-HC, so don't be upset by it. Some adults just don't know how to accept change

FWIW, when we left our old gym, HC/owner and his dd "unfriended" me, my kids, and several others who left, from facebook, lol!

 

[gym monkeys mom]

This is a hard thing for all involved. I in no way approve of the treatment your children got by previous coach but I do understand old coaches feelings.

Coaches put more than training into these kids they bond with them and become close to them. Loosing a gymnast to another club is a huge loss to them both personally and professionally.

I do not believe this coach was right but maybe they are unable to deal with these feelings of loss......also I am sure they do not want to loose anymore gymnasts. While this is not what you are trying to do they are still insecure and worry over this both from a business sense and a personal one. I am sure they are just trying to protect the gymnasts they still have.

I would explain to your gymnast that while the old coach is wrong they are probably still hurt you and your friends left and they do not know how to deal with it appropriatley.

Distance is your friend if you really want to see old teammates set up a lunch after the meet or a seperate date. i have found over time wounds heal and things get easier. Our club has lost kids over the years and after tie it becomes easier for the coach and the gymnasts left behind.

This is jmho....best of luck to you all and honesty is always the best policy with kids and not taking it too personal is best.

 

[wallinbl]

My guess is that some of the girls left on bad terms, or the coach is simply insecure and fears that there will be some express or implied recruiting going on. Perhaps you should assure the coach that no one is recruiting girls over to the other gym. It'd certainly be short sighted on his part to react negatively, as that would ensure that no one switches back to his gym (and might turn some of the remaining girls/parents off).

 

[Galadriel]

thanks everyone
i think the worry about "recruiting" is probably spot on
its a smallish town and a lot of the girls do see each other anyway out of sport - heck - even go to the same schools!
yes i think the route to go is warn them of the possible reaction of hc
its not nice but a definite life learning experience i guess!

 

[CoachTodd]

At one meet, one of my former gymnasts that had gone to another gym had my daughter's grips in her bag since my daughter never used grips. That meet my daughter decided she needed grips and got them from her former teammate that was also in our rotation.

 

[bookworm]

Success is the best revenge...when we left our original gym, the old HC was positively horrible to my daughter in public, for all to see...made nasty comments about her, me , her gym , her coach etc (several other gym's coaches came up to me and commented on how he did not represent their profession and was unprofessional in his actions...) ...so my daughter just concentrated on her meet, and went out and beat his girls by a large margin...he didn't have much to say in awards.

We still have lots of friends from the gym so "not seeing these people" isn't an option and if at 53 , he can't handle it , then too bad. We see him at a few meets a year and steer clear of him...he's 53 years old and still behaves like the middle schooler who didn't get his way...and everyone knows that. I would just hold your head high amd when the HC behaves poorly, that reflects on him, not you.

 

[Galadriel]

thanks!
bookworm - i know where you are coming from.. unfortunately!

our girls that switched should do well - they all have noticeably improved execution since the change!

 

[xstitchcarina]

How unfair for the girls to go through that. I would do what the others say, to just talk to each other, but to anticipate the HC being weird again.

My dd was first in the club in our own town and after 1½ year, she started training 2 hours a week extra at another club in another town. After another 1½ year she moved to the latter completely. And yes, of course it wasn't nice for the one trainer, but she was fine about it. And I still have contact with her. I followed a judging course through our town's club, so I still judge for this club or help with other stuff, if asked. And we are also in contact through email at times, and she was asked after dd how she is doing. And comments on her video's to me. So it is possible to be stay nice and friendly.