Parents We would like her to take a year off....

[LMV]

Our daughter did one L7 meet and achieved a mobility score for L8 but then took time off instead of competing L8 last winter. We had wanted her to take this upcoming competition year to get back into training and then have her compete L8 in 2011-2012. We thought we were on the same page with the coaches but after sitting down with the head coach more recently he told us she is coming back a lot more quickly than he had anticipated and he thinks it was premature for us to decide she won't compete at all.

We had thought about advanced prep opt [after repeating L7 was pretty much vetoed by the head coach due to no space on the team and his feeling that she was past that skills wise]. I had kind of wrapped my head around that but after another two weeks of practice the coach would really like us to commit to her competing L8 this fall.

He feels she has enough floor and beam skills to have competitive L8 routines. Her bars are a little stronger she has nice giants, smooth pirouettes, strong cast handstands, and has been uptraining and working on some bar changes and other releases. [Bars are her favorite.] They had not done much with vault but she started working on her Tsuck again and is landing it [and it looks safe according to my MIL which is probably more important].

As I type this I realize that she probably is ready to compete skills wise but I guess I just really want her to take another year and ease back into things. I do get the impression that if we say that firmly the coach will back off and let her do prep opt or not compete at all. In the long run I really think this is the best for her. On the other hand she wants to compete and spent much of this afternoon designing her own beam routine. I suppose I'm conflicted between whether I'm being overprotective or responsible. Any insight from other parents?

 

[gymjoy]

When does her season start?

If it starts in the fall then she might need more time before competing. However, if the optional season does not begin until January, then she could be ready according to what you have written. I don't see why you would have to commit right this moment to a certain level. I would let her train as if she is going to do 8, then see if she is ready. If not she could "drop back and punt" so to say, by doing the adv. prep-op. Or, she could compete L8 and repeat it next season if needed.

The final question is - do you trust her coach? If so, then follow his advice with the idea that things can change.

 

[gym law mom]

I guess to me the big question is why did she take time off? If it was for an injury or other medical problem and you don't feel she is where she needs to be physically then thats a whole seperate issue from being ready skill wise.

 

[NGL780309]

I didn't really understand from the original post why your DD took time off and why you wouldn't want her to compete especially if she wants to compete.

 

[Gymdad2]

I agree with the above posters based on what you have told us. Is there a reason you don't want her to compete L8 if her coach says she is ready?

 

[LMV]

GymJoy---
I believe their first meet is sometime in November if she does L8. I think Prep Opt has an October meet. I wouldn't say we don't trust her coaches. We don't know them incredibly well. We moved her to this gym [where my much younger sister in law has trained for more than ten years] when she started begging to go back this spring. This was mostly because it was closer to our home but also because my MIL felt it was a good place. I'm fine with taking a step back and letting the coaches decide with most things but in this case I think how quickly she comes back is really more of a parent decision. That is why I'm considering this not because I don't trust her coaches.

GymLawMom, NGL, & GymDad2---
Without going into a lot of personal details on a message board, I will say that she was quite severely abused and took time off due to related injuries/illness sustained while living with her biological parents. She originally came to us as a foster child but we are in the process of exploring adoption options after her parents' rights are terminated. Our pediatrician was on board with her returning to gymnastics but agreed with us that a lower level would probably be best since there will probably be a lot of other things going on. Quite honestly I didn't realize how important being able to compete seemed to be to her when we agreed to let her try to go back. That was probably our error. With our older daughter [who is an equestrian eventer] being allowed to just train and progress has always been enough if we've needed to kind of peel back from competing because the family priorities lie elsewhere. We made the mistake of presuming things would be similar.

 

[gymnut1]

With what you have just said I would say you are right. She needs to find her feet, build trust and friendships, find her place in a new gym (and new life and new family). Apart from any medical issues. It would be better to have her begging to compete later. Of course once the team starts competing she might feel like she is missing out. It is a possibility for her to train with the 8s and compete later on in the season should she really want to . Even if she just did a couple of events. She could come in in Feb or March couldn't she. Maybe the coaches would go for that.

What I think is right here is that competing level 8 is the least important thing right now. And good luck I have some friends who foster/ adopt and they are all really special people. Big hugs to you for making a childs life right. People like you are my heros.

 

[Swiftli]

What does she want to do? Maybe the gym is the perfect outlet for her and it grounds her and it makes her happy especially if she is begging to go. Her prior life struggles make her a fighter and if she loves gymnastics, she will fight to get the skills for competition taking that away could be another blow to her. If she thinks she is ready as do the coaches, I say put her in and test the waters.

 

[gymmomof1]

Feel her out to see what direction she is comfortable with, as Swiftli suggests she may enjoy gymnastics as an outlet for herself plus she will hopefully form friendships with her team mates as they go through what only other gymmies understand. ((hugs)) it's wonderful she has a caring person like you to support her!

 

[gym law mom]

LMV-
My heart goes out to you. I've been a CASA volunteer plus done alot of abuse cases while working in legal aid. Do listen to the mds. Her physical and emotional health are top priority right now. How much about her background are the coaches aware of? I know its a lot to discuss, but if they don't know too much, you may have to share some of what has gone on in this child's past and plans for now and the future.

Its wonderful you live in a state that has the option of prep-opt. Since she is going through so many changes and will need many support systems over the next few years, that seems to be a good place to start for this season. If things go well then moving her to the USAG L8 team would seem a good idea. So much to factor in for this young lady! She is truly blessed to have you in her corner.

Prep-opt will let her get back to competiton without all the pressure of USAG which is probably what she needs right now.

Best wishes!

 

[gymjoy]

Your additional information changes how I would respond. You and dd definitly have more important things going on than what level she competes this season!!
I do agree with the others that said the gymnastics - and competing - may be an outlet and a way of connecting to others for her. I suggest you follow your instincts, and let the coaches know as much as you and she are comfortable with sharing. Best of luck.

 

[AmyB]

If she is healthy enough to compete and has enough time outside gym to bond with your family, I see your caution, but I hope you consider the possible benefits to competing for her. Gym might provide consistency with the good parts of her previous life. Through competing she likely increases self-esteem, feels connected to teammates/coaches, and gains increasing feelings of control over her body which may be very important to her. If you are open to her input, I would talk things over with your gymnast and see how she feels. You can express your worries, and she will have a great chance to see that you are caring, protective, and also respectful of her and her opinions. Good luck to your family.

 

[LMV]

I appreciate all of the responses and I do see that we do need to give her some input into all of this, because it is her life after all. However, she is still young [she won't be eleven until the end of November] and I definitely felt we had some obligation to oversee choices at this age with our older children.

I also have some concerns that there was so much external pressure before for her to do gymnastics and excel that I wonder if she truly loves it or feels she has to love it. From our standpoint we love her as the unique and special child she is whether she does gymnastics or not. We let her go back because she was begging to and our pediatrician thought it would be alright with some limitations [she is not training as many hours as a typical L7-L10 at her new gym would and the gym she is at now does not train as much as the one she was at before] and I do sometimes find her "playing" gymnastics at home so perhaps we need to trust that this is really what she wants to be doing.

The head coach at the gym she is at currently knows some of what she has been through. We did sit down with him before we officially decided she could attempt to go back. We didn't go into a lot of details for various reasons. He also watched her compete when she was doing L6 two years ago. Additionally, he knows my MIL and my husband quite well because my sister in law has been at his gym since the beginning. My MIL was initially very wary of gymnastics, spent most of her daughter's early years introducing her to every other possible potentially interesting activity in hopes that something else would grab her attention, and eventually accepted that gymnastics was really what her child wanted to do and she had to support that because she supported her child. She does find some irony in our situation now since my husband was a bit of an advocate for his baby sister getting to at least try gymnastics fourteen years ago. She also somehow managed to help her own daughter navigate through the gymnastics maze to L10 happily and healthily so I think she will be a good resource for us.

She does think she wants to compete L8. The girls she knows best in the gym [other than her aunt who will be off to college gymnastics in the fall] are most likely competing L8 this fall. Apparently any routine that would meet the L8 requirements should also be acceptable for Advanced Prep Opt so we have decided to let her go to the routines workshop with the rest of her group and get floor and beam routines. The head coach also suggested that if she wants to do Prep Opt with one L8 meet at the end of the year that would be ok too. From his standpoint looking only at the gymnastics part of the equation [and he concedes that is really all he is competent to look at and recognizes we have to consider other things as well] she should just compete L8.

I see Prep Opt as being less intense which I think should be good. Prep Opt also does less meets and does not do any significant travel meets. Unfortunately most of the Prep Opt girls are fifteen or sixteen whereas the rest of the L8 team seems to be twelve or thirteen. Either way I guess she is going to be the youngest but I could see her forming actual friendships with girls who are a year or two older but not as much with girls who are five or more years older. Of course the Prep Opt girls seem very nice and I'm sure that they would be kind to her. Over the summer the L7-L10 and Advanced Prep Opt [who are probably somewhere between L6 and L8 skills wise I think] all train together but the Prep Opt have less mandatory practices. Our daughter has essentially been following the Prep Opt hours even though she usually is in sub groups with more of the girls who will compete L8 or L9 in the fall when she is there. In the fall Prep Opt has their own set gym time but they do sometimes overlap with the L7-L10 program.

 

[AmyB]

Nice that the prep opt and JO routines will meet the same requirements, and that your coach is so flexible. Sounds like you have a lot of options which is very nice for all of you. Good luck. Sounds like your gymmie is lucky to have found your family.

 

[NGL780309]

I was going to ask how old she was because that would likely determine how much input she would have. I agree that at 10 she is still very young.

It sounds like your coach is flexible and understands the situation. She can always try one approach and change course if it's not working for her. Good luck in your decisions.

 

[LMV]

Thanks!

The optionals program at this gym is relatively small so I think the coaches have a good sense of the kids' individual strengths and there is a little more flexibility allowed. The only thing she can't do is compete L8 and then drop down to Advanced Prep Optional [because our state rules don't allow that]. Right now she is just really looking forward to their routines retreat [basically they take an afternoon and do the choreography for their routines then have dinner and a slumber party in the gym]. This will actually be the first time she has done something like this so I'm trying to be a semi-responsible parent and volunteering to chaperone so I'll be around if she needs something. On the bright side, this is happening on an evening that I won't have to work the next day.

 

[gymnut1]

Good luck with that! You will probably need the next day off to catch up on sleep!

 

[LMV]

Good luck with that! You will probably need the next day off to catch up on sleep!

I survived! Honestly, it wasn't bad. Most importantly our daughter had fun.

 

[gymster]

I survived! Honestly, it wasn't bad. Most importantly our daughter had fun.

A wise Man (Jim Jarrett) once told me it is not about you... It is about your child What do they want! This formed my current motto about this sport! "It is more about the smile on the face than the medal around the neck! Because without the smile the medals are very hard to come by" I am glad she had fun and you survived!

 

[bogwoppit]

I have been reading along this thread. Firstly let me say what a lucky pair you are to have each other and I am so happy that you have been able to get some good advice here.

Thrilled that she had fun at the routine retreat, what a fabulous concept.

It is very nice to have you on the CB.