Parents Why do some parents hate?

[tooootsie]

We switched gyms 6 months ago and my daughters were both placed on pre teams no biggie.
The deal now is.. my 5 year old has moved very quickly to her 7 y/o sisters USAG pre-team.. and sadly I am VERY proud of her but now feel very uncomfortable like I need to avoid the gym because how other parents treat me. I am NOT a pushy parent. The Coaches make these decisions to move my daughter up, not me. And now I feel like other parents are thinking im a jerk or something. It stinks.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

because lots of people unfortunately live very sad, unfulfilled, frustrated lives and so they live vicariously through their children They gauge their self-worth on their child's successes and view any threat to their perceived position within the hierarchy as a personal slight and something to be struck out against.

Or they are jerks ! Your choice

 

[txgymfan]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing that. I hate to say the often repeated advice here but ..... when ever possible drop and run, use earphones and a tablet (or ereader or your phone, or a real book), only talk with the friendly positive parents, when the negativity starts be positive about your child and others and most importantly do not let them suck you into their attitude. All of the above is much easier said ( and typed) than done.

 

[LouAnne1107]

They are probably jealous of the recognition your DD received when it was decided to move her up or that their DD is practicing with a child who is younger doing the same skills. Or maybe bc your new. What ever their deal is you are a proud mom and should hold your head up and show them that your girls are the reason you are there!

 

[Seeker]

People are petty and jealous. Best that you know their true colors early on though. Be kind and supportive and they'll eventually get over it. Avoidance of the gym for short term periods is also helpful sometimes. They'll get used to the change and hopefully realize that you don't hold that much power...coaches decide who's in what group. Duh.

Good luck

 

[Dr Maleficent]

I think that sometimes it isn't that they hate you, or even that they are horrible people, it is just that they are sad for their little one, either seeing their hurt at being passed over again while your little one who just arrived steams ahead, or they are imagining such a hurt. I think this is an unfortunate but understandable reaction. Of course they shouldn't transfer this hurt to the way they react personally to you, but with time they will get over it, realise you are a nice person and that their little one probably wasn't ready to move on anyway, and all will be well again. Hang in there and remember that "this too shall pass".

 

[luvmygymdtr]

I think that sometimes it isn't that they hate you, or even that they are horrible people, it is just that they are sad for their little one, either seeing their hurt at being passed over again while your little one who just arrived steams ahead, or they are imagining such a hurt.

Okay, but can anyone explain the personality of the mom whose daughter is indisputably the most exceptional gymnast in the gym, further along than any other child her age, and she still hates? I try to "stay away" but our daughters are best friends-and by the way I love her daughter. The two girls have a really great friendship that's important to me. But the mom's desire to ensure her dds place in the hierarchy of the gym is more important than maintaining a good friendship with me-which is very painful. I've been burned a number of times. In fact the saying in our house now is, "fool me once, shame one you, fool me 18 times, I'm a bleeping idiot!!"

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Low parental self-esteem - loads of it about, nothing you can do about it - it their problem, we just have to bring our girls ( and boys) up as happy, fulfilled individuals

 

[LouAnne1107]

I see that at our gym. Some parents I see live for appearances and the attention they get because of their child and if that is interrupted by another child's success she could feel threatened. Wether the other child is as good or just progressing and catching up at a faster pace. It's sad but many gym moms (and moms from any sport) who take the sport more seriously than the child and coaches are just trying to fulfill their own dreams through the child. This may not be the case but it really sounds so. There should be no reason to be ugly to another parent whose child is on the SAME team!

 

[Natalia]

Wait for the cover of darkness and slash their tires.

That will give them something else to worry about for a while.

 

[GYM0M]

I think sometimes some parents use the 'status' of their children to feed their own egos. We have some similar issues at our gym so maybe you can find some solace in knowing that this is happening just about everywhere. You can drop and run OR just learn to not let it get to you. You are at gym for your children and in the end that's all that matters. If you are able to make friends as well, that is just icing on the cake. It is hard and it will get better UNTIL the next time, and then the cycle repeats.

I'll be honest and admit that there have been times when a new child has been added to DD group and I have quietly (not publicly) had an opinion about it. 100 % of the time, it works itself out. So the lesson to be learned in these type situations is to not create issues where there aren't any! Good Luck OP!

 

[skschlag]

gymom- I agree. Sometimes there is a natural reaction because the "rules" on moving seem to change a lot. There doesn't always seem to be a clear cut reason, not that we as parents should need one. But if we are told one thing, and something else happens, it can make parents question or wonder. It may be directed at you, but it may also be directed at the situation.

An example is that my son was left in the earlier practice this year, when he had been told he would move up. Then a boy that was 2 levels below him was moved up. I was confused, and didn't understand the reasoning. For a while, I was upset that my son wasn't moved up. But I realized that he would work the same things in both practices so it didn't really matter. That boy is now actually back in practice with my son, as he wasn't ready to move up (moved up to be with kids more his age, not necessarily skill level).

I would say to try to think that they might be confused at the situation, and not at you? Unless there has been something overt, it may be that they are just not sure about what is going on.

 

[tooootsie]

I think the gym makes "rules" as they go.That is likely why parents get annoyed, also it seems like the new gym has a lot of pushy parents that bully their kids onto team. HC aasked me and Dh To lay low for a while because of this. all I want is my.kiddos to be happy.. I had no clue they were gonna throw my 5 y.o. on team w/ 7 and 8 y.o kids. . but im happy that my kids are on the same team laying low for a month or so

 

[GYM0M]

"Rules" must be adjusted as programs grow and expand. Most coaches have the best intentions for each one of their students. The gymnastics path of one child is going to be completely different from the next! Once again, even I struggle with impartiality from time to time. Our gym recently added a new group of girls. These girls are 4-6 year olds that will make up the future of our TOPS program. My DD started their original TOPS program when she was 5 (she will be 8 in 3 weeks). Last semester, they tried adding new girls to our group. It did not go well for the current TOPS girls, the new girls, or the parents (me included). I completely understand that programs must continue, but it's hard to understand philosophy when you have girls working fulls and bring in new girls that do not have a solid round-off. So when I got a phone call that these 'new' girls are now working put with our group, I decided to take a break from the observation rom. Last time, it worked itself out. I am sure it will be the same way this time, but it will take some time.

 

[Flossyduck]

Some people also just say everything they are thinking out-loud, without any filtering as to what it sounds like to others. All their worries and concerns come out and it can sound pretty bad. There was a mum like that at our gym and she wasn't a bad person just a very loud and constant fretter, which can be tiring... Others keep it to themselves but are actually two faced and that's just as bad. They only mention to the coach about the girl who "shouldn't be in the group" and so on. Others are just pushy and I guess they must have been born that way as I don't get how they do it otherwise.

I hate it most when they are negative about their own kids. When they stand there and scowl and roll their eyes because they've "told them over and over again about their form in their giant" or something else. It never fails to shock me. I can't imagine not being proud of my dd's efforts or what it must feel like to a child who has a bad session and then gets shouted at by mum or dad as well. That's crazy stuff.

My solution for them is simple - they should have more children and a job and plenty of friends and other commitments and then they might stop comparing how their child is getting on at gym and worrying about whether they've remembered to switch the iron off or post a birthday card or put their pants on in a morning!