Parents Jelousy hate and rage from teamates and parents

[Deleted member 29121]

My family and my DD are unfortunately going through a similar situation but much worse im afraid lol. We moved from another gym far away for better coaching. Her previous gym a well known gym known for producing many ncaa and elite gymnast in the past not of recent, had special groups and because my DD started in Excell she didn't fit their narrative and was becoming much more skilled than their special girls. Fast forward to new gym it's a much smaller gym high level coaching DD loves it but when she got there she was raw because her previous gym the regular groups have bad coaching. Now that's she's getting reps she's taken off and the parents hate us because the head coach gives my DD all the attention and wants to take her HOPES she's 11 now hopefully by 12 or 13. Parents are pissed the coaches are even mad because they have built relationships with those parents and they complain to them about my kid moving fast she does 5 privates a week we only get 2 etc... my DD is 1000 percent focused and only wants gym for the rest of her life and wants to be elite badly she eats right takes vitamins does all the right things and their kids keep saying the coach is mean their body hurts etc.. the head coach says she has things that can't be coached and my family is extremely humble about it in the gym don't brag or anything . But now the other coaches are stating to always interrupt the head coach during our privates try to use all the bars sets for level 2s and 3s during our privates and they are mad because my DD came in gets the red carpet and moved to the special group with the 8 9 and level 10s. The coaches are trying hard to get the other girls they love their skills that my DD got while at the gym for 3 months they have been training for 2 years. I don't know what to do everyone hates us the head coach says my DD doesn't need friends they were jealous of another girl that's young and really talented in the gym as well but they are friends before the rise and after we are new to the gym they seem to hate new people the coaches and parents because it's a small gym. Don't know what to do the parents talk trash about my DD all day long inside and outside the gym and my DD has literally no friends because their parents poisoned their minds.

 

[NutterButter]

Is this a real post? If so, your gym sounds like a toxic environment in the making with no regard to emotional health.

 

[Lurker]

5 privates a week. The coaches must really love your .... money.

 

[Kara]

Fake

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Fake

Nothing fake about it its all true

 

[Deleted member 29121]

5 privates a week. The coaches must really love your .... money.

It's the head coach and my DD has already made tremendous strides towards success she uses 2 of the privates to correct fundamentals like hand placement on flic flic on beam back tuck hand placement etc not to mention she learned a back tuck flic flic toe hand on bars and a yurchenko tuck off the table where her last gym with terrible coaching was purely about politics had her doing a suk even though she had a yurchenko timer already the parents are extremely toxic yes but the coach is extremely good and wants the best athletes to win regardless of who was there first etc...

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Is this a real post? If so, your gym sounds like a toxic environment in the making with no regard to emotional health.

It's is indeed a real post the parents don't like new people I'm assuming especially new people that are a threat to their child getting attention from the head coach I'm just looking for anyone that has gone through the same or similar circumstances.

 

[NutterButter]

It's is indeed a real post the parents don't like new people I'm assuming especially new people that are a threat to their child getting attention from the head coach I'm just looking for anyone that has gone through the same or similar circumstances.

I wasn't referring to the parents being toxic...

Any coach that does not care if an athlete has friends is toxic. You freely admit the head coach gives your DD all the attention. Recipe for disaster here. Your kid will burn out way before she has an opportunity to go elite. Are you US? Wondering because of your use of 'flic' for BHS.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

This was really hard to read. You might be taken more seriously if you edit your post with correct sentence structure, grammar and paragraphs. It reads like a stream-of-consciousness rant from a child. Not trying to be rude, but it’s difficult to understand the way it’s written.

That being said, 5 privates a week is insane and asking for burnout, but dang that coach must love your money. Also, team practices SHOULD get priority on equipment over someone who has a private lesson, that’s a scheduling issue. This sounds like a toxic environment, which was created by you and the coach, for your daughter. It doesn’t matter how much talent she has, if it’s not a good environment she will burn out and quit.

 

[Flippinmom]

I don't know what to do everyone hates us the head coach says my DD doesn't need friends they were jealous of another girl that's young and really talented in the gym as well

I would be really concerned for many reasons about how toxic the environment is for your daughter, and I find the coach badmouthing his own team and their parents to a new family especially concerning. I can’t imagine that will help your daughter’s isolation or feeling like she is part of the new gym, and it’s extremely unprofessional behavior on the part of the coach. This would be a red flag for me.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I wasn't referring to the parents being toxic...

Any coach that does not care if an athlete has friends is toxic. You freely admit the head coach gives your DD all the attention. Recipe for disaster here. Your kid will burn out way before she has an opportunity to go elite. Are you US? Wondering because of your use of 'flic' for BHS.

We don't push her to do anything she does she only thinks about gym 24 hours a day 7 days a week she requested to home school so she can train more loves her coach loves her gym and is a very humble child wants all her teammates to do well etc.. I ask her everyday are you sure you want to do privates this many days a week she feels like that's how she learns all her skill so quick and wouldn't accept no for an answer the coach really does care about her when she said you don't really need friends was spoken in terms of if the kids and parents won't accept you no sense to bother trying to convert them and my DD doesn't mind she feels like they don't have much in common and she will make friends in HOPES or jr elite her words not mine and has plenty of friends from her old gym she talks to daily which I'm assuming is why she doesn't really care to spend time with new people from her new gym we just want her to be happy and support her

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I would be really concerned for many reasons about how toxic the environment is for your daughter, and I find the coach badmouthing his own team and their parents to a new family especially concerning. I can’t imagine that will help your daughter’s isolation or feeling like she is part of the new gym, and it’s extremely unprofessional behavior on the part of the coach. This would be a red flag for me.

Wasn't really bad mouthing other families it's more like she is tired of the same problem makers everytime and has voiced that displeasure I just gave a short summarization o guess I should have went into more detail the coach explained its a very individualized sport and jealousy and hate is part of the equation it wasn't like the coach said you don't need friends ver batem it was more like they will get over it eventually if not oh well type deal

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I wasn't referring to the parents being toxic...

Any coach that does not care if an athlete has friends is toxic. You freely admit the head coach gives your DD all the attention. Recipe for disaster here. Your kid will burn out way before she has an opportunity to go elite. Are you US? Wondering because of your use of 'flic' for BHS.

And all the attention to another young girl extremely talented but has already said it's not favoritism it's however will work and wants it will get the work I noticed their are several girls that just talk and don't really work to get better not to mention the young girls are the girls she wants to build and just tries to build up the young girls that are hungry to get better.

 

[NutterButter]

Many young gymnasts, regardless of overall talent, think about gym 24/7. It's also not unusual for young kids to think they would like to be homeschooled. It's up to the adults in a child's life to ensure their environment is physically and emotionally safe. What you are describing is setting your child up for burnout and disappointment.

 

[Flippinmom]

Even if the parents are being awful to your gymnast, the coach should lead by example and set the tone for the gym. Professionalism and good sportsmanship is something I want my kid’s coach to model. I know it’s hard to watch our kids suffer, but I would fully expect the coaches to make it very clear to the athletes and families that bad mouthing other kids and families is unacceptable in their facility. Again, I would find it to be very concerning if the coach joined in on the trash-talking and made things worse by adding fuel to the flame. This sport is a marathon, and can be brutal. It really helps to have some friends for support along the way.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

This was really hard to read. You might be taken more seriously if you edit your post with correct sentence structure, grammar and paragraphs. It reads like a stream-of-consciousness rant from a child. Not trying to be rude, but it’s difficult to understand the way it’s written.

That being said, 5 privates a week is insane and asking for burnout, but dang that coach must love your money. Also, team practices SHOULD get priority on equipment over someone who has a private lesson, that’s a scheduling issue. This sounds like a toxic environment, which was created by you and the coach, for your daughter. It doesn’t matter how much talent she has, if it’s not a good environment she will burn out and quit.

I will address your response piece by piece. 1st off all I apologize for not having correct sentence structure when I'm frustrated with games being played by a bunch of woman because an 11 year old child that did nothing to them just works hard evey coach loves a child that works extremely hard 100 percent dedicated at her craft, and doesn't complain or talk back.

2nd I already addressed the 5 privates before to another responding person, they are what she wants not myself or family we are just supporting HER GOALS AND DREAMS. 3rd as far as the coach loving my money, I'm sure the coach does love my money but wants my daughter to be the best she can be and a good representation of the gym, doesn't want to be like some gyms that make girl levels she shouldn't be.

Again about the privates, 2 of them are mainly philosophical changes, like hand placement fundamentals etc. Different gyms do skills differently. Also the privates are for every event because the gym is small and the coach is Implementing their system and philosophy with coaches that were already there before the new regime took control. So they have attached to the old kids call them honey etc.. it's not like she is running up and down the vault runway for an hour a day lol that's silly to even day burnout, when my daughter is requesting the privates she learned a toe hand in 2 weeks with good form late toes on etc... she loves the feeling , all I can do us preventative maintenance massages, cryo therapy, vitamins, and eating healthy.


lastly as far as team getting priority over privates 1 the private is being done by the head coach, and 2 they aren't using the bar sets, it's mostly on bars they interrupt, and they decide now they are going to bars that's not priority that's being a thorn in someone's side. Or bringing paperwork to the head coach while doing a private, or starting conversation etc I guess is priority as well.

I will put up with whatever I must for my child to be happy, if she wanted to quit today I wouldn't care I would love her the same but if she wants to do it I will support her anyway I can and that's the bottom line.

 

[skschlag]

Many red flags. 5 privates a week is unnecessary. It is a recipe for burnout. And, if the groups there need to use the equipment, then that is what happens. There is usually a schedule of events that they have to follow. Privates do not take priority over classes, no matter what level the classes are

How many hours a week is she doing gymnastics? Does she have friends outside of the gym?

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Many young gymnasts, regardless of overall talent, think about gym 24/7. It's also not unusual for young kids to think they would like to be homeschooled. It's up to the adults in a child's life to ensure their environment is physically and emotionally safe. What you are describing is setting your child up for burnout and disappointment.

The environment is safe the kids aren't saying anything mean to her neither are the parents, the parents are just drama like every other gym talking crap about kids etc. Because of jealousy mainly and their children my daughters age not getting attention payed to them. If my daughter asks me to do privates I will provide them as long as she wants them. Most children I've seen burn out were because the parent wanted it more than the child, not the kid wanting it more. What am I supposed to do, when she gets home from practice, tell her no you can't use your laser beam and work on your technique that will make her want to quit I'm sure of that.

 

[skschlag]

The environment is safe the kids aren't saying anything mean to her neither are the parents, the parents are just drama like every other gym talking crap about kids etc. Because of jealousy mainly and their children my daughters age not getting attention payed to them. If my daughter asks me to do privates I will provide them as long as she wants them. Most children I've seen burn out were because the parent wanted it more than the child, not the kid wanting it more. What am I supposed to do, when she gets home from practice, tell her no you can't use your laser beam and work on your technique that will make her want to quit I'm sure of that.

Unfortunately, yes. My son was the same way when he was young. LOVED gym, wanted us to build one in our backyard. We limited the equipment at home, and limited his time on that equipment. We made sure he did other things, outside of gym. He wanted privates, he wanted to go more, but we left him always wanting more. We made sure he had balance with gym, school, friends, family. He joined clubs, went to football games and dances. I think he has had a great gymnastics career because he had other things.

We know that increased reps and increased time can lead to injury. Maybe not now, but in the future. Those of us replying are doing so from experience and seeing many similar stories to this, of young talented gymnasts who do too much too fast and burn out or get injured.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I really hope that she meets all of her goals and dreams.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Even if the parents are being awful to your gymnast, the coach should lead by example and set the tone for the gym. Professionalism and good sportsmanship is something I want my kid’s coach to model. I know it’s hard to watch our kids suffer, but I would fully expect the coaches to make it very clear to the athletes and families that bad mouthing other kids and families is unacceptable in their facility. Again, I would find it to be very concerning if the coach joined in on the trash-talking and made things worse by adding fuel to the flame. This sport is a marathon, and can be brutal. It really helps to have some friends for support along the way.

I 100 percent agree. The head coach was mainly saying in a meeting we had with the owner they are tired of them causing problems the same women. They are sending out an email titled mind your business, but the only other option is to kick them out I'm assuming. My child isn't suffering she loves the gym we do a pretty good job of taking all the arrows for her not letting her really know what's occurring, we asked her if she wants to quit move gyms anything like that, she says why would I do that she loves her coach she's happy to be receiving real coaching. But she still talks to all her friends from our previous gym about 10 to 12 girls or so facetiming and texting. Honestly I don't mind if she quit I would still love her we just want her to be happy whatever that means to her.