Parents Can I convince my DD NOT to quit?

[Peasmama]

Should I try? Well, I already tried and it's not working. I'm so sad she is 8 , L4. She agreed w/ HC to give it 1 more week and tomorrow is the last day. I know she hasn't changed her mind. Seems like she made up her mind about this fairly recently. She just wants to quit team. Doesn't want to try less hours, go to xcell, or any of the other suggestions. She does want to go to camp and open gym, though. She feels it's getting hard (some expectations), never bonded with the coach after 2+ years! and feels she's missing out on fun stuff.
So, I don't know what to say. I really don't want her to quit but also don't want to manipulate her with my wishes. Any ideas? All perspectives will be appreciated here.

 

[z2akids]

If she hasn't bonded with her coach, is changing gyms and seeing if you can find a better relationship elsewhere?

 

[MILgymFAM]

I would let her quit. At her age, she should be free to try other activities and see where her true passion lies. She seems incredibly adamant about her decision. Was it a slow progression or a sudden turn of events?

 

[Peasmama]

Thanks. This is a great gym and those nearby are not acceptable. Maybe I should ask her again if she wants to try another place further out . However, I think her heart's not in it now.

 

[z2akids]

In that case, I would respect her wishes. Definitely work to maintain a cordial departure in case she changes her mind 6 months or 2 years down the road. Competition is not for everyone and training gymnastics to compete is a year round sport, unlike many other sports that allow for children to have more outside interests.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Okay, so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what skill is she having trouble with? And at 8, I would not give her the choice just yet... Just my opinion...

 

[Rapunzel]

My 9 year olds quit - she hasn't been back to the gym for 2months. It seemed like a sudden thing but in hindsight it was over a couple of months.
In that time she's tried a few other sports - trampoline, tennis & athletics - she says she likes all 3, I know she doesn't love them like she loved gymnastics!
I know your frustration, I keep hoping she'll turn around and say she'll go back (especially as her sister is loving it and it would be quite nice for them to be at the same place at the same time so I spend less time being a taxi driver!).

 

[my4buffaloes]

Well, gymnastics isn't for everyone. She is at a good age to try other sports and still come back to gymnastics if she misses it. I would try to keep her in a tumbling class if possible and bring her to open gyms if you can. That will keep her toe in the water so to speak. This will either help her in whatever other sports she tries or it will allow her an easy transition back into gymnastics all the time.

 

[Max]

Our moto has benn you can not quit while your frustrated trying to get a skill. We don't want her to regret leaving because of a skill. Not sure if that is the right approach and could change and DD gets older.

 

[IreneKa]

Maybe let her take a break for a few weeks, and then see if she misses it and wants to go back?

I feel your pain. Once their minds are made up, it's hard to do anything about that. We went through this with dance, DD was so good at it, and I wanted so badly for her to continue, but she just said no, I want to do gymnastics, don't want to do dance. What can you do?
Does your DD have any ideas what she wants to try instead of gymnastics?

 

[gymgal]

One week really isnt enough time to get over a hump if she is just frustrsted. A month would have been a more reasonable time frame. but since you already agreed on the week, you need to stick to it. Otherwise, she will likely be miserable and wont try at practice anyway. That's just a waste of money. Plan to talk to her in a couple months about it to see if she still feels like moving on was the right decision.

 

[tuckfull]

Since her HC got her to agree to a week, you may be a little stuck. Does the HC have any insight as to why she thinks your DD wants to quit, like a certain skill that is tough or scary? My DD spent a few months talking about quitting this spring. It started maybe a month after States. They had begun up-training (fun!) but the honeymoon period of learning new skills wore off a few weeks later when some new skills weren't coming as easily and she was very down on herself and gymnastics. I'm not sure what finally made it better because she's still frustrated with a few things but she's having fun again and wants to be there. Maybe her HC could have a heart-to-heart with her and try to get her to give it a chance through the summer?

 

[BachFlyer]

I agree with Katy, maybe the coach might be the best person to have a conversation with her. If not, I'm not sure that there is much you can do about it. My oldest would die without gym. My younger dd competed a few meets at L4 and threw in the towel. She was good, but she simply didn't want to move up to L5 and practice 4 days a week. She loved the meets but not all of the practice, mainly the time away from home. She was 9. Having an older kid who was 110% "in" helped me realized that it was the simply the wrong sport for my little one, and although she misses it a little she is happy with her other activities.

 

[gymmom13]

Good Luck. We have always told our daughter she could quit when she wanted to. However, the two times she talked about quitting we made her commit for a few more months. Once it was at the beginning of summer and we told her she had to wait till the end of summer. The second time was during the fall. We told her she had to wait until the beginning of the new year. We set a specific day and I did not talk with her about it. On that day we asked her again and she told us absolutely she did not want to quit.

However, Our situation I believe was due to her worrying about whether or not she was moving up. There is so much pressure it seems on these kids when they are going to post the new teams. I also realized at those times of the year the crazy gym mom in me would come knocking on our door. I think she thought quitting was a better option for her then disappointing mom. She has learned a lot in this sport as I have. When she talks of quitting that makes me stop and check the "balances" on her. Each time I could see the balances were off and we took whatever pressure off of her. We didn't talk about new skills, levels or anything else. Our job at that time was to support her and let her have the time to work it out. It also gave us time to repair any messages she was getting from us. Either real or perceived.

Again, this may not be your situation. For us this is what has helped. I try to keep in mind the gym is raising a gymnast. I am raising a little girl with her very own set of hopes and dreams. Maybe as others have said give her a few weeks vacation. I also truly believe when one door closes a window will open for her to take fight. Everything happens for a reason and what might be coming up is that much greater. How exciting for you (be it a bit sad for gymnastics) to watch her grow into something new. BEST OF LUCK during this transition time!

 

[BachFlyer]

I love your post gymmom13

 

[Flyaway]

I try to keep in mind the gym is raising a gymnast. I am raising a little girl with her very own set of hopes and dreams.

Best thing I've read here.

 

[RAMS]

I went through this with my 8 year old dd a few months ago. She was tired because she was at the gym 18 hours, it was the end of the school year and is training TOPS. After talking through it more with her she finally said she still loves gymnastics but said TOPS is hard. We talked more about it and I pointed out what she was gaining from the program and how TOPS ages out. Now this week she got her giants on strap bar and loves the feeling of getting new skills. I knew she was just tired and with summer and sleeping in and having some breaks for vacation has made her happy to be back in the gym.

 

[bookworm]

She's 8 and level 4....if she really wants to quit, cut your losses and move on to other things. The sport is too expensive to be forced to continue it and at 8 , she will probably find something she likes better ( maybe not you) and makes her happy. Two years is a long time to feel you haven't made any connection with your coach and if she is already bringing up "missing fun stuff" , the resentment will only build from there

She probably was reluctant to bring up quitting where you and the HC had worked a situation to see if she would stay, so follow her lead...she wants out, be done with it.

 

[htimcj]

It sounds like she is ready to move on. Unfortunately it happens. At 8 if she can come back if she wants.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Just my opinion, but I would never tell a young child that they can quit anything if they want too. You are setting yourself up for some serious problems later on in life.