Parents At what point do you step in?

[SeaActually]

Another thing to think about... if it was your kids doing the bullying, would you want to know? I know I would.

 

[gymdog]

If sectionals and states weren't this month, we would do exactly that. But she doesn't want to miss those meets (assuming she meets coach's criteria for states). I suspect if she isn't chosen for states that will probably move up our departure to the end of this month. Timing is tricky because of these final meets and the holidays. She wants a chance to say goodbye to the teammates she likes and the one coach she adores, and I am very fearful that she would be cut out of these competitions if we gave our notice now. So my thought is to give notice right after states, but that would take us to the Christmas break at this gym.

How does the states thing work? The coach picks them or they make a certain score beyond the qualifying score? I don't think you should give notice, I just was wondering it was realistically worth it to wait for those meets when it seems like the coaches might not let her go even if she qualifies? I know she wants to but I'm wondering how realistic the chances are. I think that you have a good plan, of course I would always recommend sticking out the season, but it sounds like in light of this new information things might be playing out differently.

 

[gymjunkie]

Have you observed the behavior? Is it just your dd who is being tormented? I'm also very surprised the coaches haven't noticed this.

Us coaches do miss this stuff because 1) we are busy coaching and 2) girls who behave like that are very good at flying under our radar

 

[Sasha]

If girls are physically interfering with her training - tripping on vault run, pushing, blowing chalk in her face, etc., have your daughter write out the incidents she can remember in a list (with approximate dates if she can recall), along with the names of the girl(s), and you accompany her in a private meeting with the coach(es). Have her do most of the talking and you support her. Have her state matter of fact with the incidents that have happened, and matter of fact about how it has affected her training. Then you as the parent outright ask what will be done. Escalate over those coach's heads (HC/Owner..) if you are not satisfied with their answer.

The behaviors you describe are beyond unacceptable. It is bullying, and beyond that, it is physically dangerous.

Though you are already leaving, if nothing changes after approaching the coaches, I would strongly consider pulling my daughter despite states.

I would also do what some others have suggested and approach the parents of the offending girls. Perhaps along the lines of "Dear Susie's mom, I feel it is my obligation as a fellow parent to alert you to some reported behavior of your daughter. I know that if my daughter were involved in this type of behavior (on either side), I would want to know. I'm sure there are multiple sides to every story, so please consider this information, and I will trust you to use the information as you wish..."

I'm sorry for your daughter. I hope the new gym is supportive in every way she needs.

 

[AWOL]

If she has qualifed for sectionals and if she qualifies for state, why can she not change gyms and go to the meets with them. Would she be moving to a gym in a different District?
We had a girl change gyms between states and regionals last year after paying the meet fee with our gym and she just transferred her entry to the new gym.

 

[Amusibus]

This is definitely bullying behavior. This kind of thing has long term consequences on the psyche of an individual. I was bullied for one year in 4th grade, and I have never forgotten it. If it was my kid, I wouldn't let it go on for one more day.

 

[sleeping judy]

Ugh, I am so sorry this is happening. My dd is dealing with an issue like this as well right now. I am heartbroken for her as it was her best friend at the gym. They did everything together. The girl has decided she doesn't want to hang out with my dd and has tried to pit other girls against her, accused my dd of faking an injury, and called my dd a crybaby on beam when she wouldn't do her series. After the first incident, I talked to the other girl's mom who is my good friend. We talked it out and the girl ended up apologizing.

Well, after I talked to the mom, it got worse. After the crybaby incident she threatened my dd and told her she better not tell her mom because then she will get in trouble. My dd begged me not to talk to her mom or the coach. I have done my best to reassure her and tell her she deserves a friend who treats her better. She has agreed and has chosen to try her best to stay away from this girl. It is so sad for both of us and they were such close friends for two years and I think it startled her to have this girl turn on her so quickly and so meanly I know it's a life lesson for her, but it makes me so sad.

 

[mommyof1]

Another thing to think about... if it was your kids doing the bullying, would you want to know? I know I would.

I would want to know too. But I think most parents who would want to know don't actually have kids who are bullying other kids, whereas the parents of bullies don't want to hear it. That's why it's so hard to approach another parent about her child's behavior.

 

[lovemygymnast]

That's bullying! I would definitely talk to the coach. If nothing's done, at least you tried but are leaving any way. If I were the coach, I would want to correct things whether for an athlete I feel is the best on the team or not, shouldn't matter!!

I will tell you though, we were at old gym & coaches dd kept getting right in my DD's face and screaming at her. She would say things to try to intimidate her and at meets would even say things right before bars to try to psych her out. They were in the same age group. I went to team director 4 times and finally on the 4th time and with coach backing me up, they "talked" to her...in passing, out on the gym floor, with a smile on her face. In past, bullying rules were 1st time-warning to child, 2nd- warning to parents, 3rd-no gym for 1 week, 4th- off team. It's a great set of rules but apparently doesn't apply to coaches kid. Either way, we're no longer there and my dd was not the only one being bullied by her, however, she is much smaller and younger than coaches dd or any other girl on team, so it should have been handled differently. Anyway, I say all of this to say, don't be surprised when nothing is done about it, but do be prepared to move on to the new gym as planned with the attitude that at least you tried!

 

[gymmomtoo]

If she has qualifed for sectionals and if she qualifies for state, why can she not change gyms and go to the meets with them. Would she be moving to a gym in a different District?
We had a girl change gyms between states and regionals last year after paying the meet fee with our gym and she just transferred her entry to the new gym.

I'm wondering this too. If she qualified for State already--will the new gym take her now and allow her to compete? Doesn't sound like a safe environment at her current gym, with some of the other girls bullying her and interfering with her training and her coach doesn't sound supportive at all.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Well, she didn't qualify for states with her current gym, so that makes things easier in a way. even if new gym would allow her to compete (I didn't ask), the sheer practical details are more than she or I want to deal with. She'll stick out the last two weeks and leave at the thanksgiving break. This is the downside of an independent pe contract - she has to be in the gym the minimum hours each week. I am going to email the coach, again,to see if he will keep an eye and ear out but there were other issues this weekend that will probably take precidence. With decisions made and an end date decided I think she will be ok.

Thank you for affirming that this was worthy of attention!

 

[AgingHippie]

I am sorry that she didn't qualify for States but this does makes things easier and significantly lessens the amount of time she has to be in this crappy situation. I am so glad it all worked out and can't wait to hear about the happy experience she has at her new place.

 

[flippin out]

Well, she didn't qualify for states with her current gym, so that makes things easier in a way.!

Does this statement mean that she didn't get the score to qualify or States (min score set by state), OR does it mean that her current gym did not select her to participate in State ...did not qualify per their gym rules? If it is the latter, she could still switch now and possibly compete at state under new gym

 

[AgingHippie]

I am sorry that she didn't qualify for States but this does makes things easier and significantly lessens the amount of time she has to be in this crappy situation. I am so glad it all worked out and can't wait to hear about the happy experience she has at her new place.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Does this statement mean that she didn't get the score to qualify or States (min score set by state), OR does it mean that her current gym did not select her to participate in State ...did not qualify per their gym rules? If it is the latter, she could still switch now and possibly compete at state under new gym

She didn't qualify per the current gym's rules, which require a much higher score than the minimum. But with less than 2 weeks before States, it just seems like way to much to try to change, get her used to a different set of coaches and a different approach, new teammates, plus just the silly things like a uniform etc. And really, she didn't place at sectionals and she isn't going to place at States, so she doesn't feel like she wants to go just to be disappointed in her scores again. I'm afraid she would get hurt because of where she is in her head. Much better to wait until Spring when she is in a better head-space and settled.

 

[flippin out]

She didn't qualify per the current gym's rules, which require a much higher score than the minimum. But with less than 2 weeks before States, it just seems like way to much to try to change, get her used to a different set of coaches and a different approach, new teammates, plus just the silly things like a uniform etc. And really, she didn't place at sectionals and she isn't going to place at States, so she doesn't feel like she wants to go just to be disappointed in her scores again. I'm afraid she would get hurt because of where she is in her head. Much better to wait until Spring when she is in a better head-space and settled.

That makes complete sense, and I agree. If her head is not in it I would just wait as well (in regards to States). I'd maybe leave current gym now anyways though

 

[Anna's_Mom]

That makes complete sense, and I agree. If her head is not in it I would just wait as well (in regards to States). I'd maybe leave current gym now anyways though

Unfortunately she can't start at the new gym until the first of the month. And if she doesn't maintain her hours in the gym she will not get school credit for her off-campus PE contract, and "failing" PE would have more fallout then this is worth. Due to gym closure for Thanksgiving, it is only two weeks and she says she can manage for that long, knowing there is a sunset on this.

 

[flippin out]

She sounds like she's got a great head on her shoulders. Wish her the best and hope that the transition to new gym next month goes smoothly. I bet you'll be surprised how well she'll do once she feels comfortable and safe (in regards to being accepted...not bullied). Good luck!!

 

[poodlemomma]

I didn't read all the responses. But this kind of behavior is why we ended up switching gyms. It was the best thing that could have happened.

 

[JAG GYM]

I realize I'm late to the party on this one but for the benefit of those who might be reading this later, I would encourage you to talk to the club director/owner about the behavior of these children. On a pragmatic level, some of the behavior you describe could lead to an injury of a child and a lawsuit against the gym (that might get their attention) and on a moral level the owner might have a different attitude than the coaches and would be willing to intervene. It's often easier for the owner who does not have to deal with the parents and the kids on a daily basis to be the bearer of bad news.