Best way to explain to a 6 year old

[hannahsmom]

I'm looking for some advise on the best way to explain a situation to my dd. Her coaches are very hard on her. Her coaches have told me that they are very hard on her because she has so much potential. I totally understand this coaching concept, but I don't know how to get my dd (who is 6 years old) to understand it. I don't want to explain it in any way that makes her think she's better than the rest of the girls. I like the innocence that she has when it comes to how she "compares" to the other girls. She doesn't see herself as having any more ability or talent and I don't want her thinking she's better. But, how do I explain why the coaches are harder on her in a way that does not use comparisons?

 

[gymdog]

Is she complaining or upset about the structure of her workouts? I would follow her guide. Whether she a kid has potential or not, if the situation is upsetting her, then I think that should be taken into consideration and the coaches should try to find a different way of relating. If they are just giving her higher expectations and she is handling it fine, I would just let her go ahead.

 

[mommyof2]

Is it bothering her a lot that they're hard on her? My dd's coach yells at her a lot, but she's completely immune to it. She actually told me that the coach yells nicely. LOL But if it's bothering your dd, her coaches should treat her with more care. She's only six---they really need to remember that or they'll lose her before she's seven.

 

[hannahsmom]

I wouldn't say that it really bothers her, but I do get a lot of comments like "I'm not very good because the coaches are always yelling at me." Understand that I know very well that her coaches are not in any way "yelling" at her, but they make her re-do things a lot as they stress very good form and technique with her but not as much with the other girls because they are just trying to get the skill first.

 

[mommyof2]

In that case, indulge her a bit and tell her the truth. She's working hard, and so deserves to know that she's got talent. It might encourage her, too, to work harder on those pesky details.

 

[Linsul]

I wouldn't say that it really bothers her, but I do get a lot of comments like "I'm not very good because the coaches are always yelling at me." Understand that I know very well that her coaches are not in any way "yelling" at her, but they make her re-do things a lot as they stress very good form and technique with her but not as much with the other girls because they are just trying to get the skill first.

Well, if they aren't really yelling at her she may need some clarity. I would help her define the process. You start with small skills, and build up from there. It rationalizes all the re-do's and doesn't bring other kids ability into play. Once you get a skill, you fix the little things to make it even better. Whether your beginner or Olympian, repetition is an important part of the learning process. Consistency breeds familiarity, comfort, and confidence. Skills done consistently well show that it's safe and timely to progress. It's not a punishment, and helps prepare you for harder skills down the road that build upon the things you're learning now.

 

[bogwoppit]

Nice sig Linsul! You're not a muppet, you're just crazy!!!!

 

[Linsul]

Nice sig Linsul! You're not a muppet, you're just crazy!!!!

AHHHHHH Bog! My coworker read your mind! She's in New Mexico for regionals and called to rib me about missing her daughters class that I coach yesterday. She said 'Hey you big baby, I bet you bailed out to get a jump on weekend hot tubbing!' When I croaked back 'oh please you're probably at a spa getting a mud facial instead of regionals' she said 'wow my daughter was right you sound awful! I'm gonna text you, you sound like a muppet!'


Cruel cruel world!

 

[bogwoppit]

We call that s e x y up here, though maybe shades of Miss Piggy?

 

[Linsul]

We call that s e x y up here, though maybe shades of Miss Piggy?

I think the nurse that gave me my shot yesterday would totally agree with you! For sure some Miss Piggy going on. Sick diva over here....cruisin the web, milkin my status as I watch my husband clean our childrens destructive path through the house! "Kermie! Get me some more water after you pick up the littlest pet shop mess!" jkjk!

 

[bogwoppit]

LOL

But now back to the real issue. I have to say I would want my six year old to be enjoying her training and really being yelled at isn't part of having fun. I can yell at my kids at home for free, I sure won't pay someone to do it!

She should want to go to gym more than anything, and you shouldn't have to do any coaching mentally or physically. AT 6 I seem to remember my girls begging to go to gym and having a blast learning.

Is her class perhaps too serious for her?

 

[gymgurl]

ok well, to a six year old everything is simplified so thats what you need to do. I am not a coach, not a parent but i do have a little sister, 2 little cousins and several family friends that are quite young. so i am going to try to suggest a method of how to approach explaining this to a six year old.

i would go about it like this:
next time it comes up in conversation tell her that your coaches are trying to help you be the best you can be and that is why they make you re-do skills because they want you to be your best.

make sure she understands that she is not better as such but the coaches want her to be the best she could be

 

[NotAMom]

I think we should stop speculating what is going on. I would suggest secretly watching a class or two and observe the interaction. Maybe the coaches are really demanding and yelling. Or, maybe your kid is just too sensitive or is acting out for whatever reason.

If it's the former, the gym is too serious for a 6yo as Bog and others are suggesting. A kid at that age should only be yelled at (no liberal opinion please) for doing something wrong. A 6yo not doing a skill perfectly is hardly anything wrong. And, certainly same thing goes for not have the need to be a champion.

If it's the latter and the disturbance is from the inside, probably some encouragement would go a long way. I like what gymgurl suggested but part of me still think that a 6yo is too young to be told that (a good way to make her head swell at a young age). If it's an external issue that is bothering her, it needs to be resolved ASAP.

 

[emorymom]

I wouldn't say that it really bothers her, but I do get a lot of comments like "I'm not very good because the coaches are always yelling at me." Understand that I know very well that her coaches are not in any way "yelling" at her, but they make her re-do things a lot as they stress very good form and technique with her but not as much with the other girls because they are just trying to get the skill first.

Ideally they should be giving all the kids a similar level of feedback and investment in a group setting. If they are being "harder" on her I think they may need to rethink their approach. It's not fair to her or to the other girls. Her feedback will be different because she is further along.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Love the new sig, Linsul!!! It's definitely a "chalkbucket" inside joke!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I so totally agree with Gymdad. When I read the original post, I thought it kind of odd that the girls were being treated differently in the first place. Remember, I've got LOTS of experience with my own DD being ignored in favor the of the "talented" girls... and amazingly, most of them have since dropped out of the sport!! Hmmmm..... At any rate, she IS only 6. Right now she needs fun, so mom, go ahead and sit and observe the class. You need to SEE what's really going on before you can make an infiormed decision as to how to approach the situation.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Two things come to mind when I read this post. The first is that maybe she is in a training group that isn't fitting her needs. Another is that maybe she is just more sensitive than other girls. I had one like that and I just had to be honest with her and tell her that the coaches just want her to be the best she could be. I didn't compare her to anyone but it gave her something to focus on other than' the coaches are being mean to me'.
The coaches at preteam and team treat all the girls the same and the expectations are universal. They are tough on all of the girls but they also have fun too. Some girls handle it better than others. It took my dd a while to adjust but now she understands why and realizes that it is expected of everyone to try their best, whatever skills they are working on. Let her know that her best is perfecting the skill while the other girls' best is learning the skill for now. It is all about trying your best at whatever skill level you are at.

 

[GymGirlBri]

When I was training level 5 my little sister was training level 4 she was 6 at the time and my coach was very mean to her and constantly yelling at her. It was because the coach did not know how to deal with 6 year olds, maybe you should ask the coach to be a little more gentle with her after all she's only 6!!!

 

[hannahsmom]

Well, I guess I'm not really explaining it very well. They are not being mean to her and she's not "upset" that they are treating her differently. She just doesn't understand why. And, they aren't giving her more attention or excluding any of the other girls, it's just a different type of attention and with dd being 6, she doesn't understand why. In her little mind, when they make her do things over and over again and "pick" at the little details, she thinks it's because she's not good. For instance, on RO-BHS....the coaches are working with the other girls to get the skill with straight legs, no pause between RO and BHS, etc. But with dd, since she is beyond that point, they are really focusing on things like making sure she rebounds correctly, that her head is in the right position between her arms, in a good hollow position, etc.....all very good and needed things. I'm not complaining at all about them or the process. I totally understand what they're doing and why they're doing it, but my 6 year old doesn't understand. She's not the sensitive type, just more of a perfectionist. But, unfortunately, at 6 years old, she doesn't understand what that means. I think she just really wants to hear her coaches say "good job" and they don't much (to anybody, not just her) and she doesn't understand all the little intricate details that go into gymnastics. She just thinks that if her legs are together and straight, her arms are straight, it must be a good BHS. So, again, I'm not critical of the coach at all, I just hope to figure out to explain it to her without pointing out differences between her and the other girls. They are a great little group of girls and good little teammates. They encourage each other and clap when someone gets something and I just don't want to lose that.

 

[bucketdude]

I would tell her that coaches coach all gymnasts differently and everyone learns differently. So there is no point in comparing.
And that coaches constantly correct even very very good gymnasts like the ones on tv so they can always get even better.