Parents bully

[sally]

I was just looking for some advice for my dd. My dd moved up a level this year, she has been training with the same girls for the last year. However they have brought a new girl in, which she isn't very nice. She has been picking on my dd, not letting her get on bars, pushing her out of the way, saying nasty things to her, I asked her if she told the coach, but she says the coach says she doesn't want to hear it. I am not sure if it is a bad as what she is saying , as a 5 year old they can take it to the extreme. My problem is I don't want to go to the coach and seem like a parent that is over protective, but if it is as bad as what my dd is saying, I don't want my dd training with her. Another mother has said to me that the same things is happening to her dd. Should I see the coach or give it a while, as the girl is only on a 3 month trial?.

 

[munchkin3]

It certainly is not any fun to have that in the class.....It is a huge distraction!

I would stay close by and observe as much as you can....she is little....Don't focus on it with DD too much. Kids can be really dramatic and the drama itself can become bigger than the actual bickering!

Just keep telling her to focus on herself, try to ignore it. Chances are this girl will focus on someone else (not that this is a solution!). Our coach does not get involved with this stuff either....He leaves it up to the kids to get through. If it interferes with class, the perpetrator is asked to leave for the rest of the class. By now everyone knows to ignore our little bully...this one gets kicked out alone!

If there is any real danger, like causing any mistakes on the equipment, pulling on legs, cutting off, pushing, then you must bring it up to your coach simply for safety. Use your best judgement....In the end DD will learn how to get through this and focus on her gymnastics, and she will excel while the bully wont!
Good luck!

PS...I am SURE the coaches are very aware of what is going on....

 

[lccmac]

I think this might be a time for a life lesson on your daughter sticking up her herself. Not pushing back, or being rude. But learning to say "No, it's my turn on bars." or "That was not kind, don't say things like that to me."

Remember, a girl cannot be a bully unless someone lets her do it.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

You should read some of the other threads on bullying. Search in the goolge box on the left. I would not tolerate anyone pushing my kid. This is dangerous in a gym. This happened to my daughter (and other children) in a class right after she came back this year from a broken wrist. A girl 2 years older than my dd (she is 4 and SMALL) kept pushing her off of the bar as she was doing her squat ons. I immediately pulled the teacher away from what she was doing and let her know what was happening. No way was I having my dd in the hospital again with a cast for 6 weeks because of this little girl who is physically twice my dd's size. Other parents complained about her too and I had no idea until my daughter was the victim. There have been parents on this forum who have refused to bring their daughters to practice until situations like this are delt with. You are paying for this right? If the coach doesn't want to hear it then let the coach see it. Video tape the practice sessions without letting other parents know and show the coach what is going on.
Would you let someone at the park treat your daughter like this constanly and say nothing?
I am such a laid back person that when I got the coaches attention while it was happening to my dd she knew I was upset. My dd does stick up for herself but how can you defend yourself when you are trying to do a squat on on a bar that is over your head and someone is pushing you to the ground every time? Words can hurt but when it gets physical that is where I draw the line.

 

[sally]

thanks for that. My dd does stand up to her saying things back to her, but she is a person that doesn't like that, and then she ends up missing half her lesson on the loop bar because the girl doesn't get off, and everytime my dd tries to get on she just pushes her out of the way. This girl is 8 years old and my dd is only 5 and is very small for her age, not that is anything to go by. I am just watching very closely and crossing fingers that the coach has seen it and then after the 3 month trial she will be asked to leave. They did do that to another person in there.

 

[emorymom]

thanks for that. My dd does stand up to her saying things back to her, but she is a person that doesn't like that, and then she ends up missing half her lesson on the loop bar because the girl doesn't get off, and everytime my dd tries to get on she just pushes her out of the way. This girl is 8 years old and my dd is only 5 and is very small for her age, not that is anything to go by. I am just watching very closely and crossing fingers that the coach has seen it and then after the 3 month trial she will be asked to leave. They did do that to another person in there.

I was in a nonphysical situation with three year's age difference (6 and 9) I posted about recently. I did go to the coach and my daughter says things are better.

My first reaction to your post was that certainly we should all help the girls to succeed and it's worth seeing if the 8 year old can get some guidance to succeed first. I believe that socialization should always include adult guidance, not just having children guide themselves, though that's a great adjunct.

 

[gymandswim]

I am so thankful that our coaches get involved. They do not tolerate bullying, at all, no matter how small. When my dd complains that someone was mean, cut in line, or picking on her or anyone else on the team, I always ask if she told the coach. She usually says yes and they got in trouble or had to sit out. My dd and some of the other girls are pretty good about sticking up for each other and it is only rarely that something happens. We (my dd and I) talk about why the "offender" may have behaved that way and what we can do to help that person feel better about themself with out resorting to tearing down her teammates. I know this does not always work.

All this being said, I would definately talk privately to the coach. This is a team and these girls have to learn to behave like one. They depend on each other and must learn to support and encourage each other. Building up the team not tearing it down. Sounds like a good team talk is in order for all the girls without pointing anyone out.

 

[sportzmomov3]

"Hoping" that the coaches see what's going on and actually address it are not what a parent should do in this situation. I'm all for letting my kids figure out things on their own to build their character, but when it becomes physical, and the child is 3 years older and should know a little better, than it's time to be a parent. If others have experienced the same from this child, even more reason to be the one to bring the situation to the forefront. There is no time in life where this kind of behavior is acceptable! In school, that kid would be sent to the principal's office. In gym, that kid's parents need to be made aware that their child is bullying - that is NOT ok under any circumstances. It's only going to negatively impact your child - intimidation is not ok.

I hope you talk to the gym owner and coaches asap.

 

[AGM78910]

Bullying in gym

I would speak up about anything physical. That is dangerous and should not be tolerated at any gym. I knew a girl who was pushed out of the way and ended up with a sprained ankle.

Unfortunately in our first gym, the coaches and gym owner would not take any action in those situations and girls ended up leaving the gym. A lot of the bullying was verbal with the older or bigger gymnasts criticizing the younger and smaller ones at the same level.

My daughter would just smile at the bully and tell her "Thanks for making me a better gymnast." That worked.

 

[sally]

Thanks for the advice. I have spoken to the coach in private, and she said that she has had other complaints and that she will watch her. Since then I haven't seen the girl. So I am hoping that they have told her not to come back

 

[Linsul]

I realize I'm late to this as the coach has already been spoken to. I do want to add that bullying is serious and not to be tolerated ever ever ever. Whether it's rec or team, verbal or physical, my class or another, someone's world is getting stopped if I see it or hear it. That goes for every coach I know as well. Always tell the coach, especially if the group is large as they may honestly not see the incidents. They can't fix a situation they are unaware of, and a 'good' bully is quite capable of picking a time/place to unleash on their target.

Glad you did speak to the coach! Hope everything works out. If the girl comes back to practice don't despair immediately. Keep an eye on the situation, but allow for the possibility that she may have changed for the better. Gymnastics may be a excellent outlet for her once she knows the structure and the rules she has to train by.

 

[sally]

Thank you for that. The girl did come back. However I think she might be getting the idea, my dd said that there was no issues with her, so maybe the talk has worked, well we all hope it has..