WAG Coach problem

[Mimiluv]

She's not saying she doesn't want to go because of the coach, she just wants a day off. But she's just had days off is what bothers me.

 

[Mimiluv]

==
Yes she goes to practice.

Well she's in the car now after crying while getting her Leo on. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Thanks coachp

 

[Anna's_Mom]

The few times I've forced practice and I thought it was a coaching issue I stayed to watch so I had some idea of what she was or wasn't experiencing.

 

[gymgal]

how did it go?

The more I read, the more I really think your dd just doesn't want to do gymnastics anymore, for whatever reason. I would sit down with her and figure out what she wants to do. Give her 3 choices: 1) Stay at the gym (with no more drama on her part - no missing practice, no complaining about the coaches). 2) try a new gym 3) try a different sport. Of course, if she is in the middle of comp season, I personally would make her stay until the end of the season but I wouldn't wait until the end of the season to have the conversation.

 

[gasrgoose]

See now like today she doesn't want to go to practice. She says she just wants a day off, but she hasn't been to practice in 3 days she had a meet on Sunday.

I don't know if I should force her to go or not. I really want her to go and I think she should, but should I? As a parent it gets murky. But it concerns me. Before coming to this gym she NEVER wanted to miss practice.

I agree with others. It sounds like she might be reaching the end of her gymnastics road. You've mentioned that you coached and you are obviously very interested in her continuing. My suggesting is to stop talking about gymnastics. That's it, take her and pick her up. Ask her about school, homework, friends, the weather, politics, etc. But do not talk about gymnastics, it might be too late. And she might just not like gymnastics any more or she might be too scared or she might feel like she has to do it for you. But the only way you will know is to stop talking about it. That last conversation should be, "we've paid for gymnastics through October, let me know if you want to continue in November. But missing practice is not an option." Then just let her decide, but you have to be ok with the idea that she might quit. If she talks about gymnastics great! Discuss what she brings up but don't take it as an invitation to ask tons of questions.

We have a very talented, special 12 year old who has the physical potential to be an Elite. But her mom discusses every moment of practice with her, every tear needs to be explained, every miss, every drill ("what does that prepare you for") The mom is to invested in the end result and discusses gymnastics way too much. Things are said in front of the child that she shouldn't have to hear or think about. She's 12 and crazy talented but now has confidence issues. Confidence issues on a 12 year old that is probably at a level of the top 30 12 year olds in the country.

Since we stopped talking about gymnastics her enjoyment of the sport has multiplied 10 fold! I previously wanted to know everything and actually thought I was helping. The breaking point for me was at the end of a practice when I caught myself "coaching" my daughter on beam insisting that she do several more reps. I would take the 30 minutes of practice I saw twice a week and decide I knew what she needed. Her "real" coach was much nicer than she should have been to me. I backed off 100 %. And when I did she started loving the sport again. I also realized part of the reason for my "parental coaching" was that I didn't believe her coaches were able to take her where she wanted to go. So we switched gyms and time has shown that I was correct about the other gym. It was a difficult decision. And it isn't easy, but our gymnast is flourishing!

 

[munchkin3]

Sorry, but I tell my kids all the time......get ready and be in the car in 5 minutes or else! Sometimes they ARE tired, and want to stay home and watch TV and play video games.
If I let them drive the car, we would end up in the amusement park eating ice cream everyday too!

Sounds like she is becoming a ............TEENAGER!!!!!

 

[twinmomma]

A heart to heart with the coach. Make an appointment that isn't right after or right before practice.

 

[Mimiluv]

Sorry, but I tell my kids all the time......get ready and be in the car in 5 minutes or else! Sometimes they ARE tired, and want to stay home and watch TV and play video games.
If I let them drive the car, we would end up in the amusement park eating ice cream everyday too!

Sounds like she is becoming a ............TEENAGER!!!!!

I agree with you lol. I have told her if she wants to quit to tell me. I'm not going to be mad at her. She says she doesn't want to quit and I really don't think she does either. I honestly think she wanted to go to Hobby Lobby, I had been telling her we would go but hadn't had time lol. She works on her routines at home ect. But yes the teen thing is coming I can feel it lol.

I stayed per her request to watch a couple practices, not the whole 4 hours, she goes 12 hours a week. I think things are going okay from what I could see. Maybe she's just to sensitive. I still don't like some of the things the coach does and says. I'm just gonna keep an eye on things.

And I told her the three options someone posted above. She didn't like that she only got 3 lol. I even said you could go xcel and she didn't want to go that route.

Thanks again everyone!!

Mimi

 

[gymdilettante]

I agree and have told my daughter how much that can irritate a coach (having been one). I think part of the problem is the way the coach does speak to her, like I posted about originally. I think that's why she is hesitant to speak up to this coach.

I have told her that she has to speak up and tell her she doesn't get it.

I guess as being a former coach. When I gave a kid a correction and it wasn't a hard one and they still didn't do it. I assumed that they didn't understand it and I would need to explain it differently for it to make sense to them and or I needed to show them how it should feel. Because not everyone child or adult understands directions the same way.

Trust me, I do stick up for this coach and my daughter doesn't always like it.

But as an adult, it's very hard for me to ask someone I find unapproachable for help also lol. I can only imagine how hard it would be for a child.

I know this is a month old but I wanted to add one more possibility for what is going on...rather than your daughter hearing the words in the correction but not understanding them, I wonder if it has reached the point that as soon as the coach begins to speak, she feels significant anxiety, which distracts her, and she doesn't even "hear" the correction. If this is happening it is probably because many other times the coach has said mean things to her, so now she has an anxious response preemptively. I speak from experience with this (a parent, not a coach, though).

Coach p's suggestion to write down the corrections she is getting could allow you to see if she is even processing the corrections or if they are going in one ear and out the other (look for specificity like "keep my legs straight in my second back handspring" rather than "straight legs"). If the coach is on board, you *could* have her ask your daughter to repeat the corrections but I have a feeling the coach isn't on board and it might put even more pressure on your daughter.

The thing about when this occurs though is it is pretty hard to undo....basically impossible if the coach isn't on board. It doesn't really matter at this point whether it is the coach's fault for being too mean or your daughter's for being too sensitive. It just may be that it is untenable and your daughter needs a new gym whether she likes it or not. You're the parent and sometimes you have to do things that the child doesn't realize are in his or her own best interest.

Beside that please give us an update as to how it is going!