Parents Crazy Moms!

[sportfam]

How do you deal with crazy moms? My kids are in several sports, but I have not seen (and heard) some of the things that I have at my DD's gym. There is one mom in particular who is very vocal and pushes her daughter very hard. The little girl is doing private lessons at least 3 times a week! The mom stands there throughout the practices and studies all of the girls, sizing them up against her daughter. Just being around her makes me tense. She is way over the top. She makes negative comments about people when they are not around. I try to stay away from her and have taken to not going into the gym at all. But now my DD keeps asking me why I never watch her in practice (she also asked me why the other girls mom is always watching her).

I just want all of my kids to have fun in the sports they do. Being around people like that makes me question if this is a sport I want my DD involved with. How do you all deal with the moms (or dads) who are way "over the top" in their competitiveness?

 

[emandelsmom]

This is my dd's 4th year on team. We have seen it all. Most of the crazy ones don't last at the gym. They will move on to different gyms because of course their daughters are going to the Olympics. I don't get involved with them. Usually, the crazies have something else going on in their lives as in divorces, loss of a job-something. Ignore. them. Stay far away. Sit away from them so you don't have to listen to them. If it gets bad enough, talk to the coach-only in the case of a mom saying ugly stuff about another child.

 

[bogwoppit]

Some parents just have a hard time letting their kids progress at their natural pace and always want to push that bit harder than the coaches do. Everyone to their own for sure and we all judge parents as crazy by our own standards, but every gym has them.

I accept that my kids will progress at their own pace, that they are not going to the 'lympics and that they have fun in the gym with their coaches and friends. That's all it will ever be about for me.

I have many people who I consider to be real friends on here who could be considered as crazy, they do privates. TOPS, coach their kids at home etc etc. But then maybe I could be considered as crazy as I help to run this place!

Burn out is very real in young gymnasts, if they are doing many hours in the gym, having privates and having Mom coach them at home they can get sick of a sport that they once loved. Stay away from people who make you uncomfortable, make an excuse to move away of you need to. Hang out with the like minded parents, it will help.

It's all about perception isn't it? Also there are nutjob parents in all sports and in schools all the world over!

 

[NOG]

LOL, guess I'm on the nuttier side. My dd does do privates (she didn't always though). She was having a fear issue in regards to casting, so we're doing a private once a week to work on whatever fear it is that hinders her in casting. I'm glad that the gym will do this, but I must say that I can't wait until she's "over" the fear totally and we can stop the privates.

As far as sitting in the gym all the time and sizing up girls, I'll play "miss optimist" and hope that she is stuck there because of distance from home to gym and not really sizing up so much as bored and wishing all the girls well? I know that I'm stuck at the gym most days (we live 30min away) and if I've forgotten a book or the ipod, watch all the girls practice (when I'm not chatting that is). I've never sized girls up, but I do notice when someone is having a good or bad practice and like to congratulate or give some words of encouragement as needed. I certainly hope that another parent wouldn't see that as being the "pushy, and maniacal" parent who is sizing all the girls up and wishing them ill will. I'll have to make sure that I never come across that way, lol. Is there anyway this parent means well? Or is it certain by her comments and attitude that she is just Super pushy and negative? I don't mean to say that all parents watching are a "ray of sunshine" at all. Every gym has the pushy parent, I'm just trying to give your's the benefit of the doubt.

If she is definately the pushy mom, I agree with the above post - just stay away from her. Bring a book, or ipod or something (that's what I do...works great for retreating into your own world. You can watch your dd and as long as the earphones are in, it prohibits conversation with the pushy mom. That way you can enjoy watching your dd and not feel like you need to make small talk with that mom.

Good luck!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Thats really sad for the child of this parent. Usually parents like this drive their kids out of the sport and out of every sport. In a sport like gymnastics if the drive doesn't come from the child then there will be no chance of reaching higher levels.

First off remember that most parents are intelligent enough to realize that this woman is a gossiper and won't pay too much attention to the nasty things she says about others. So don't worry about her gossiping about you or your daughter.

I think its important that she doesn't get to stop you from enjoying the chance to watch your daughter. Ignore her if possible, mothers like this can be like small children if you don't pay too much attention to their antics they will find someone else to annoy.

I also agree that it is unlikely she will be at the gym long. Most mothers like this get frustrated after a while imagining that their daughters are not being trained properly and their talent is not being recognized and she will move on.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Yeah, these parents can really ruin the sports experience--for everyone. I experienced a LOT of crazy moms in cheerleading and it got so bad because of it the gym would close practices. They would put up thick tarps against the windows so that the parents couldn't watch any practices. Of course this ruined it for all the nornal parents that just wanted to sit quietly and watch.

I agree that the crazy gym parents don't usually last too long and they usually end up leaving that gym or ostrosizing themselves to the point that they have no friends at the gym. Then it affects the kid and the kid ends up hating gym because it filters down to the kids. NOT a good situation. Just try and ignore the person and if it does get to the point where the person is talking bad about other people or kids--tell the coach and owners, Let them handle it. Good luck!

 

[cathiann]

Crazy moms? Sounds like just one crazy mom to me--and I've seen crazy moms & dads in all sports--hockey more so here than anything else (of course we're in the state of hockey, so maybe that's why LOL!).

How she treats her daughter or what she says shouldn't affect you--just ignore it and let it go. If she says anything directly to your daughter, then get involved. Otherwise stay away and chat with all the normal moms that are there.

 

[kristilyn73]

Hey - Do you go to my gym? LOL We have one like that here!

From what I have heard, there is always one in every group. I gave ours the benefit of the doubt, tried to be pleasant, talked to her about things other than gymnastics, tried not talking to her at all. But like you, ours has almost driven me out of the gym.. My DD is 14 so I can easily tell her," honey - I hope it is okay that I not come to practice tonight, So and so is there... "

How old is your DD? How many hours does she train? Is there a night she has practice that the crazy mom isn't there? You could tell your DD that you will go watch on Tuesdays but on Wednesdays you like her to focus competely on gymnastics.

If that doesn't work other posters had good ideas, bring a book, an IPod (even if you dont listen.), do you have a laptop? Or watch from a different area?

Good luck!

 

[JessMom]

I try to distant myself when possible and not encourage or engage

My thought is these parents are the same way with everything their child does. it doesn't start and end with gymnastics . . . it's everything. I feel bad for these children and try to give positive feedback to them if they seem to get negative or joke around with them if they are pressured.

But overall - I am bad - and I admit I laugh to myself at the craziness

 

[snowbound]

I think there are "toxic" parents in any sport, and like everyone else said, it's probably just best to avoid them. I know that is sometimes easier said than done though. We have a toxic parent whose kid is in DD's squad. He used to come watch every single practice until he got into it with another parent and the coach told him he could not come watch unless he could be quiet. It still creeps me out to be anywhere near him though.

Good luck!

Snowbound

 

[hannahsmom]

My dd's group was very small, only 3 little 6 year olds, until very recently. They just moved up another little girl and her mom is unreal also. She is constantly talking about how good her daughter is and constantly making comments on how the coaches don't really need to spot her daughter on this skill or that skill because she KNOWS how to do it! She also has a three year old son that is on the boys pre-team and you would think he was going to nationals next week the way she talks. The other two parents and I have slowly moved down the room from her and have started the iPod thing as well. We were so happy with our little group and supported each others kids and the three of them got along so well. Now we have a little tornado of a mother in our gym! haha BTW, her daughter is very cute and fits in great with the kids, but her mom is over the top.

 

[Pogo]

Read the "Doc Ali" Thread

if you haven't already:

Doc Ali

I'm in my 16th year of being a gymnastics parent and I've been a soccer parent longer than that. Along the way, you will run into crazy parents either on your own team or as competitors. My experience is that they tend to weed themselves out at the lower levels as they drive their own kids out of the sport by breaking their spirit and/or bodies.

Kids are pretty intuitive and tend to view such parents as examples of "what not to do." My dd still competes and also coaches, so she gets to deal with crazy parents all the time. Her strategy is to tell them to either get themselves and their kid out of the gym or let her coach. It always works.

 

[mariposa]

There are those kind of parents in every sport. I just ignore negative people and those types of moms. I don't have time for negative people in my life anyway, don't need any more from the gym.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I just have to giggle on this post. We got this in soccer this fall. My 4 year old played outdoor soccer for the first time and my husband coached. I made it to parts of some of her games but have 5 kids so I watched when I could. One game, I watched this mom and dad yell constantly at their boy on the opposing team, coaching him as if he where Beckham. I said hi to the parents trying to distract them in a friendly way. They just went on to tell me that their son had just come from a (NFL... Not) football game and that he was just taking over the soccer field like he is the one. I just listened. Most of the parents from both teams were getting obviously annoyed because it was hard to even hear the real coaches. Remember this is a 4 and 5 year old instuctional game. Poor kid. By the way our team won by a landslide with positive coaching and parental encouragement.
This happens in every sport but it does go away eventully naturally. By the time kids grow, they usually learn to work as a team from positive coaching and role modeling and parents like this just don't factor in anymore. But.. the poor kids that have to go home with the parent/s.

 

[Midget's Dad]

We have several of the yelling-from-the-balcony, coaching-from-the-stands, my-kid-is-the-greatest, ha-ha-she-beat-your-kid parents.

I tend to laugh at them, openly.

I know that most of us qualify as crazy to an extent. I know I do. But I refuse to do that. I strongly believe in letting coaches coach, and I just pay for it and support. Midget does ask for my critique, but I wait for her to ask, even when I dont want to. I read the Doc Ali stuff

As a coach (hockey and basketball) I have dealt with too many of these parents myself as well. It can be maddening and I have gone so far as to tell a ref to give me a penalty because of it just to make a point. In fact I got myself ejected from a hockey game because of a parent being nuts which meant we forfeited a game we were winning by a large margin.

The advice given was great. Go to your happy place.

 

[anothergymmom]

so sorry your are dealing with this - we had a couple of the crazies at our old gym. we went thru the same thing...

your mantra should be "stay away", but do not let the crazies ruin your family's enjoyment of the sport! And talk to your dd about her feelings - after all she is the one there all the time... depending on how old she is, she will be able to understand people are different and have other priorities in life (here is a teachable moment...) and she needs to block out this parent (and possibly her child) while still being nice to the poor child...

just like emandelsmom said, the crazies don't last long because their children are on the Olympic track, no gym is good enough, the scores are not high enough... they will find somewhere else to go to (if their child does not quit first)...

good luck!

 

[AGM78910]

Compulsory?

My daughter has been in gymnastics for 4 years and is now a level 7.
I have observed that it tends to be the Compulsory level parents who are the most intense. Of course their daughters are going to the Olympics. If they have not driven their kid out of the sport with their over the top behaviour and the kid makes it to Optionals, they usually have had a dose of reality and have settled down.
You got some really good advice about going to your happy place and keeping away from them. But sometimes they take it upon themselves to praise their daughters and criticize yours. That can be hard to take. It is best to walk away and/or change the subject.

 

[emandelsmom]

We have a CRAZY mom! She is whacko. Her daughter is 11 and is a level 1 gymnast. Of course, she is headed to the Olympics! She is jealous of everything. She is big into saying things to the other moms like :we all need to do the same thing with the girls. There doesn't need to be any division. Crazy stuff. Then she talks about the other girls and calls them girl-not by name but girl. Her daughter is the one that is constantly being reprimanded by the coaches for being disrespectful. the other day her daughter was pushing the little girls off the high beam. She has now been pulled to work with bigger girls and the male coach so she doesn't hurt the little ones. And the mom does nothing. Her daughter is being mean to the older girls-which I have explained to my girls is this is coming from jealousy. The lady is mean. She talks about other moms, and girls. She rolls her eyes at the other moms and talks about how the coaches can't coach.
The sad thing is that no matter rather her daughter has the skills or not, she will place at meets. Her daughter can't even do a pull over on the bars. She is 11 and a level one. There won't be but 2 or 3 at each meet. She will get first, second, or third place no matter what. This will only inflate the mom's ego. Hopefully, this ill encourage the mom to move the child on. There are only 3 gyms in the area-the mom has been to 2 of them.

 

[NOG]

We have a CRAZY mom! She is whacko. Her daughter is 11 and is a level 1 gymnast. Of course, she is headed to the Olympics! She is jealous of everything. She is big into saying things to the other moms like :we all need to do the same thing with the girls. There doesn't need to be any division. Crazy stuff. Then she talks about the other girls and calls them girl-not by name but girl. Her daughter is the one that is constantly being reprimanded by the coaches for being disrespectful. the other day her daughter was pushing the little girls off the high beam. She has now been pulled to work with bigger girls and the male coach so she doesn't hurt the little ones. And the mom does nothing. Her daughter is being mean to the older girls-which I have explained to my girls is this is coming from jealousy. The lady is mean. She talks about other moms, and girls. She rolls her eyes at the other moms and talks about how the coaches can't coach.
.

Wow! She is super nutty! My ipod trick is definately something you should give a try. Just listening to her would be frustrating I'm sure. You don't have to turn the ipod on (as long as the earbuds are in), but I think maybe you should turn it on and block out all of that mom's hateful babbling. Good Luck with that one!

 

[emandelsmom]

That is what I do. The older girls mom's all know she is a fruit loop. The coaches/owners know as well. We all know the mom will burn out or burn her bridges and move on to either another gym or another sport. This one is easy to just sit back and watch and stay far away from the DRAMA that she is and surrounds herself with all the time. Last night she was leading a conversation and how it was weird that all of our girls had several different gymnastics leos. LOL .. The hardest part of my daughers being part of a small team-only 12 girls-5 girls are level 2 and up-is dealing with the new comers. As you said, sit back and ignore. Most of the newcomers won't last past this year.