Parents Embarrassment

[strawberries]

I actually feel very positive about what is going on.

As someone who (once upon a time) moved from an absurdly manipulative, unhealthy gym to a wonderful, amazing gym, it will take a while to shake off the fog from the old crazy place. The anxiety, embarrassment, and insecurity will fade. Don’t worry about it. The awful places don’t just make the gymnasts into nervous wrecks, but their parents as well. I know. I was there. Be glad you are in a healthy place now and watch month by month as each of you start to care less what the other place thinks, or even anything about them.

One day you will forget they exist. For now, vodka gummy bears!

Best wishes on this meet.

 

[tpMom]

So lots of stuff has been covered already but I did want to add that I understand a lot cannot be conveyed in an anonymous post. None of us are there with you. We don't understand the intricacies and nuances of your experiences, so we don't really know what's going on .

I know that I routinely use this page to vent in a safe place when I know it would not be okay to show my daughter how I'm feeling. I ask my slightly obsessive and neurotic questions here, so I don't ask my daughter or her coaches. I could be wrong, but I think a lot of us do that.

Based on your comments in this thread, it sounds like maybe you do the same thing. Instead of worrying out loud to your son, you worry out loud to us. If that's the case then I hope you can hear what all of these intelligent, experienced people are telling you and it'll put your mind at ease. It sounds to me like you love your son very much, and you're very excited about his path in gymnastics, and you are trying your hardest to clear the road for him to achieve his goals. I think this is all amazing. It's what we are all trying to do for our kiddos.

I agree with other commenters that your SON should not be hearing any of this stress from you, he's just a little boy whose own likes and dislikes are probably still wrapped up in your own. But gymnastics is such a tough sport that he is quickly going to get to a place where he has to want it for himself much more than he wants it for you, or you want it for him. When he's sore or hurting every day, when he's in the gym 6 days a week, when he's struggling with a skill that just won't come , during these moments the motivation to continue HAS to be because he loves the sport. The best way to encourage this internal locus of control is to back off. Pay for his practices, give him lots of encouragement, take him to practice on time, pick him up on time, ask him about his day and then let his life at home be as much about nongymnastics things as possible. I had to learn this the hard way, I still have to fight the urge to obsess about my DDs gymnastics, but it has really been the best strategy for us all. Good luck with your son!

 

[Flip4funmom]

It's not but it just kinda happens.

 

[Flip4funmom]

Is this homework?

I would hesitate to practice at home. BUt that is just me.

It's not but it just kind of happens in my house. ☺

 

[NY Dad]

I know @NY Dad went through a similar situation and may have some advice.

Thanks for thinking of me

My dds situation was a little different. She was 7 at the time (so a dinosaur compared to your ds). Her pre-team had an evaluation for team right before summer. She did not make the team, but we were told that nothing would change until fall. By the time we left the gym (without a new gym) two weeks later, she had gone from loving gymnastics to not wanting to go back. She didn't know why the coaches and other pre-teammates where treating her different (I'm happy to elaborate but I don't want to side-track the conversation).

We found a new, better, gym for my dd. For us "better" wasn't based on scored, it was a better fit for my dd. Her gym treats the kids like family. I truly believe they care about these each of their kids.

Her second meet (6 days after her first) was at her old gym. Her old gym has a JO team (she had been level 2 and evaluated for 3) but also a USAIGC team (which she also did not make). At the time she wanted JO3, I'm pretty sure b/c it was the focus at her old gym. All the pictures on the wall and all the kids/coaches talked about was the JO team. I did not even know there was a USAIGC team until I got the notice about the evaluation with the possible outcomes (rec wasn't listed as an option, but it's where she was placed)

I thought I knew how my dd would react when I told her about the meet. I turned to CB with all of my questions and concerns. I prepared answers/responses (before I mentioned the meet to my dd).

Her only concern was seeing her pre-teammates and her old coaches. I didn't think she would run into her pre-teammates’ b/c she was being evaluated for JO3 her new gym is USAIGC only (she's Copper 1), I was wrong, she directly competed against 2 of her old pre-teammates. Her old gym has the same coaches for their USAIGC and JO teams.

I presented it to her as a home gym advantage and told her that she can show them what she's been working on. I also told her that everyone is going to be concerned about themselves and their own gymmies. I suggested that she talk to her coach. I shared her concerns with her coach (she’s not the best self-advocate). Her coach conveyed the same message to her at practice the next day.

The day of the meet, she was a little extra nervous as we were walking in and she saw some old, familiar faces. Once she was with her team she was fine. She shined that day (like she's done at every meet (okay 2nd AA- I had to get that in there , behind one of her new teammates).

I realized I was a lot more worried for her than she actually was. I feel super fortunate to have CB as a safe outlet so I didn’t bog her (or anyone else) down with everything that I thought she might be concerned about.

I enjoy following your story. I think as long as you're just coming here to vent, get advice and share you should continue to share your ds's story. If your ds is really as stressed, unhappy out as you say, I agree with others that you should find a space for him where he can be a kid and have fun.

 

[rjb123]

So when my daughter first competed old level four at 6, she literally had no clue she was getting scored. I know the coaches talked about it before the meet, I know that they scored them in practice, but the kid had NOT A CLUE! LOL! when she was 7 in new 4 she started to *get* it a little more- though she was super happy to get a "95" on beam at one meet, so the finer points were still a little lost then too! She (at 6 and part of 7) thought she got the medals for working hard and doing her best! Which in my personal option, is a great way to look at it! My point is that your son likely has no clue about what exactly is going on. If you just tell him to "go have fun, listen to your coaches and do your best" and then celebrate with him after "you did an awesome job, I am so proud of you! Did you have fun?!" (which I still say to my DD and she is a level 9!!!) he is going to be fine! Promise!

 

[e'smum]

So when my daughter first competed old level four at 6, she literally had no clue she was getting scored. I know the coaches talked about it before the meet, I know that they scored them in practice, but the kid had NOT A CLUE! LOL! when she was 7 in new 4 she started to *get* it a little more- though she was super happy to get a "95" on beam at one meet, so the finer points were still a little lost then too! She (at 6 and part of 7) thought she got the medals for working hard and doing her best! Which in my personal option, is a great way to look at it!

i wish mine thought that way now! lol
super cute story

 

[rjb123]

i wish mine thought that way now! lol
super cute story

Lol! Thanks! I will never forget that "95" on beam! Her coach physically turned her around in front of the scoreboard and said "that is your score". She had no clue about decimals at barely 7, and she was so excited! I also suspect it was the first time she even realized what the scoreboard was and what it was for! LOL! She also would say "coach X said I worked really hard and did great, that is why I got this medal!" HA!