Parents Fast-tracked & 'un'-friended

[GYM0M]

Ok, so here's the deal. We live in a semi-small town that only has one competitive gymnastics team. I have no complaints about my current gym situation. Coaches are wonderful, knowledgeable, eager to learn more, & dedicated to the success of their gymnasts. However, they do not have an abundant amount of 'natural' talent available to them. No elites, only a handful if optionals. We have a TOPs team that trains very hard for very long hours. These girls have been together training for over 2 years. Their ages are 7-9. They are in the same group rotation as the optional girls. The optional girls are 11-14 years old. TOPs girls just finished up their level 4 season and will compete in a few level 5 meets after the first of the year (mid-season). However, there are a few girls that will remain level 4 throughout invitational season and some of these girls actually score higher than some of the TOPs girls (same age). Coaches started up training heavily this week for the TOPs girls. The tension on the parent deck is so tight! Words have been spoken between a few of them and people that used to be friendly, never speak anymore. And it is starting to come from the optional parents as well! We have no control over the progressions and skill level the coaches wh wish to train their gymnasts so why are these people not accepting us?!?!

 

[GYM0M]

I should add that the TOPs girls, too, have now been divided even further! There are approximately 5 training in each group. In the highest level, there are 3 TOPs gymnasts and 2 optional gymnasts.

 

[gymdog]

I would advise that you not spend that much mental energy on it. Go out of your way to compliment every gymnast if you say anything at all. Otherwise limit your time at the gym. Being part of the problem will do nothing to advantage your child's training opportunity at all. Unfortunately some people are not self aware enough to realize what damage they are doing. But, you won't be able to change it - just distance yourself from it and be positive.

 

[GYM0M]

I would advise that you not spend that much mental energy on it. Go out of your way to compliment every gymnast if you say anything at all. Otherwise limit your time at the gym. Being part of the problem will do nothing to advantage your child's training opportunity at all. Unfortunately some people are not self aware enough to realize what damage they are doing. But, you won't be able to change it - just distance yourself from it and be positive.

Does this type of thing usually blow over after a little time? I am mostly worried that some of the frustration will spill over to the girls, especially those optional girls. Our TOPs team girls are completely oblivious and utterly ADORE the upper level gymnasts! I don't want any of their relationships to suffer! But I do avoid the deck myself. It's some of the other parents that sit through every practice. Please tell me that this will not come to blows.....

 

[Dka]

Just drop off and pick up, it is very hard when there is a divide like that in the gym, it is hard whether you are on the side that is chosen or not.. Good luck to your dd!

 

[GYM0M]

Yes, very hard. I constantly feel like I'm walking on egg shells. It's very easy to say that those parents are over-reacting, but I don't know how I'd feel if the situation was reversed. I do not want my 7 year old to have to learn this life lesson so young! But on the flip side, is it fair for their 7-8 year olds to have to experience an equally difficult life lesson?!

 

[lhmom]

I think this is where communication from the head coach would be beneficial at the start. Giving parents an understanding of the gym's training system would go a long way in defusing tension in my opinion. It sounds like a tough situation to be dealing with.

 

[MaryA]

What is the life lesson? That things aren't always "fair" or that even adults can act like idiots? Neither is really a bad life lesson for kids to learn...

I agree with what everyone else has said. Communication from the coaches may help, so you may want to let them know. If it's a small gym, maybe the coaches would be able to schedule 1-on-1 "mid-season conferences" or something... allow each parent a chance to air their grievances and to hear exactly what the "plan" is for their kid and how what they are doing now fits in with the plan. If each parent feels as though their gymnast is important to the coaches and that she is getting just what she needs at this moment in time, that may help lower the tension. And maybe some of those kids SHOULD be reevaluated as far as their placement/tops training/etc.

And, as others have said, when you have to be in the gym, be an example of what a supportive gym parent should be. Compliment the other kids and smile at the parents, even those who don't smile back. But drop and run as much as possible.

 

[gymdog]

Yes, very hard. I constantly feel like I'm walking on egg shells. It's very easy to say that those parents are over-reacting, but I don't know how I'd feel if the situation was reversed. I do not want my 7 year old to have to learn this life lesson so young! But on the flip side, is it fair for their 7-8 year olds to have to experience an equally difficult life lesson?!

I think even at 7 or 8 they can understand if someone has skills they don't. If course it may be a less objective measure like maturity etc the coaches are looking at, not sheer physical potential.

If you don't think the coaches are fully aware a storm is brewing, you could clue them in. But I would assume one of these parents has already complained.

 

[iwannacoach]

It sounds like the parents of the optional kids are upset. Is this because the TOPS kids are learning new skills that equal the optional kid's skills, and are doing so at a faster pace and earlier age?

If that's the case, is it the result of some families deciding to stay out of the TOPS group because of the time/financial commitment or viewing much of the tops work as boring or not really gymnastics?....... or are the optional girls placed as they are because the Tops program started after they had been placed in the optional track or were placed there because they were seen, by the coaches, as less capable.

This could be a long term problem if these recent events are revealing to the optional parents that their child was passed over. If they're upset because they, as parents, made a choice for their family that seemingly now places their child outside the successful group.... well maybe they'll come around, and maybe not.

In any case, a friendly heads up directed at the HC would be a good idea.

 

[GYM0M]

The TOPs team is still relatively new. Same group of girls started training together about 2 years ago so the optional girls were already too old for the program.

Parents of the other compulsory levels are mostly upset because the TOPs girls are moving up levels at a pace that is very uncommon for our gym.

Parents of the optional girls are upset because their girls are getting discouraged. The girls are getting discouraged because some of the TOPs girls are now training some of the same skills and progressing much faster. On some events, the TOPs girls have already surpassed them.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

how unfortunate... coaches are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

 

[Fijiwater]

how unfortunate... coaches are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

dunno almost all of the things you write make me think your my daughters coach or at least almost a carbon copy......

 

[Deleted member D3987]

 

[gymmommy123]

I suspect this is just another case of poor communication. I think sometimes, just having simple meetings with the parents describing what the goals and plans are, and why they feel that specific child is best in the group they have selected, would make a big difference. I know first hand what it's like to be totally left in the dark for months at a time, then just told what level your kid is being put/kept at, with no real explanation. I can understand completely why some parents would feel upset if Child A is progressing at a rapid rate, and Child B is put in a different group and doing far less.... but given no explanation. I really wish gymnastics lent itself to more open communication between parents and coaches. I think everyone would be happier for it.

 

[iwannacoach]

Dad??????

 

[jago]

Regarding communication from coach to parents

You are referring to coaches speaking individually to parents about their child's progress/plan for progress, correct? The coach shouldn't feel a need to explain the plan for other gymnasts. IMHO

I believe too many parents are comparing their child (and their training) with the other team members. Some gymnasts may be on a different spot on the "skill progression path" at any given point in time.

Yes, they're a team, but each gymnast is a unique individual and the training will need to be adapted/adjusted as such.

 

[MaryA]

Regarding communication from coach to parents

You are referring to coaches speaking individually to parents about their child's progress/plan for progress, correct? The coach shouldn't feel a need to explain the plan for other gymnasts. IMHO

Yes, I totally agree. I don't think coaches should discuss the progress of any other gymnast. DD started in a gym where the coach felt free to discuss various gymnasts "failings" with other parents. Like the time a gym mom friend of mine informed me that the HC had just told her that my DD wasn't ready for level 4 and that they should have made her repeat level 3 (she went on to win level 4 states that year, which was immensely satisfying after the HC's comment, I have to say). Very unprofessional. As a parent, I need to know about the decisions made regarding my daughter, and understand why these decisions are in her best interest... not why those decisions might be different than ones made for other gymnasts. Though there is a level of earned trust required for this to be effective, I think.

 

[GYM0M]

Thank you guys for all the responses! Our coaches communicate with us very well. We have at least 4 face to face meetings a year and they always make themselves available to us via email. Responses sent via email are very informative, lengthy, and fully developed! We are very fortunate!

Update: We had our team Christmas Party yesterday. For the most part, it was very enjoyable and everyone was friendly. Tension is still there between some of the parents, but it was very reassuring that they were able to enjoy each other's company! I did speak to the optional parent who did say she was very bah-humbug and ready for a break (we only get 3 days)! But she is dealing with some other issues outside of gymnastics!

 

[MaryA]

Thank you guys for all the responses! Our coaches communicate with us very well. We have at least 4 face to face meetings a year and they always make themselves available to us via email. Responses sent via email are very informative, lengthy, and fully developed! We are very fortunate!

Wow! Sign me up!