Parents Need advice

[superkb16]

My DD is 6 yrs old and currently a lv 2. She is at a powerhouse gym in the state and all are expected to do well. We recently went to a meet and our girls were the only level from the gym that didn't take 1st place. It was a very difficult meet with great gyms from other states. All of the girls on the team got a PB on at least one event. Although they didn't win and had some falls, overall they did great in my mind. They are a young team and the many of the other level 2 teams were much older. At practice yesterday they were told by one of their coaches that they did really bad at the meet. Nothing positive was said both at the meet and at practice yesterday. This breaks my heart and not really sure what to make of this comment. (On a side note, there is always a lot of yelling at the girls during practice and very rarely anything positive said.) Seeing that this is this teams first year competing and most of them are 7 or under, this is really bothering me.

I have been on the verge of leaving a few times but she loves gymnastics and competing and this is the only gym in the area that competes level 2. I am starting to think about our next steps for level 3. We have a couple options but not really sure what to do..so please help me sort out a few things. We have a gym that is 5 minutes down the road that isn't very successful but the girls seem to have fun and the coaches are very positive but it would be a huge step down in training. There is another gym that is 35 minutes away that is very successful but my husband is not crazy about the distance but the training is very good. Our other option is to stay at the current gym (10 minutes) and keep telling our daughter to keep her chin up and give her lots of positive reinforcement. I am sure other people have been in similar situations and I know each family has to make a decision that works best for them but I would love to hear what you all think. My daughter is not going elite or planning on college gymnastics at this point. (I know it is very early and she is very young but she loves many other sports and activities too. ) TIA!

 

[MeetDirector]

Allow me to say "its Level 2, for goodness sake". I wouldn't make any life altering decisions based on what happens at Level 2.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

If this is the kind of coaching at any level but especially L2 it's not any where I would chose to have my daughter.

Our coaches aren't perfect but the kind of comments you are describing is the exception not the rule.

JMO, but it's supposed to be fun, especially at the lower levels. They are little girls. Me and mine would be gone.

 

[superkb16]

I wouldn't say that I am making a life altering decision. I was simply asking a question about looking at other gyms that aren't belittling their athletes because they aren't doing things perfect. I want her to have fun and receive positive criticism. Our family is new to the sport and I have heard/read numerous examples of the tough coaching in the sport, but really don't think it is appropriate especially for the lower levels. I don't care if she is 1st or last. She is very young and so many things can happen. I just was getting others opinions on making a drive for very good training vs. a short drive for okay training. Both have very positive coaching styles.

 

[Flyaway]

Nothing positive was said both at the meet and at practice yesterday. This breaks my heart and not really sure what to make of this comment. (On a side note, there is always a lot of yelling at the girls during practice and very rarely anything positive said.)

Do you know this because you've observed it with your own eyes/ears (i.e., are at every practice) or do you know this based on what your 6 year old tells you? The distinction is important.

Edited to add: I'm not suggesting your child is lying, but rather that sometimes as a young child they don't understand tone or intent. I have this conversation with my 9 yo all the time. Her coaches aren't touchy-feely at all and are pretty firm. She's learning to not immediately interpret that as meanness. Of course flat out yelling, cursing or belittling is not ok.

 

[superkb16]

I did not hear this comment myself. I asked her in car after practice about what the coaches said about the meet and her response was "she said we did bad, very very bad". As far as practice, I usually watch the last 20-25 minutes on occasion and you can hear the screaming in the waiting room and the girls crying on many occasions. I am not saying they need to be coddled and all for firm coaching, but I know if others are like my child, a good job or a small positive comment can go a long way and make my child work harder to get those comments.

 

[SMH]

Yikes! I'm also a parent of a tiny gymnast, and screaming and crying is not something I'd be comfortable with hearing on any regular basis. Yes they are supposed to be focusing and growing as gymnasts but they should be having fun too. Firm is one thing, screaming at little kids is another.

 

[skschlag]

I do not think this is normal. As the mom of a L9 boy, I would not even expect it at this level. If they don't do well, they get a talk about a rough meet, working harder in practice, and focus. They do not get yelled at and told they are bad. (ok. one coach throws shoes but it is in fun ) IMO, none of these kids ever do bad. They might miss skills, or have a rough meet, but they put themselves out there to be judged regularly and accept that judgement without issue most of the time.

 

[Rockygym]

Sounds like a miserable place to be a gymnast to me. They may be a powerhouse, but that would not be acceptable in my mind. I would look elsewhere.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yeah um no flippin way.............. Little girls crying on a regular basis.

I can count on one hand in almost five years my kid worried about what the coach might say. Thats about once a year on average............. Usually about having to miss part of practice. Maybe 2x about performance............

Oh heck no.

 

[Gymnast C's mom]

Sounds like a miserable place to be a gymnast to me. They may be a powerhouse, but that would not be acceptable in my mind. I would look elsewhere.

Absolutely agree! I also have a 6 year old on pre team/level 2 equivalent. The coaching is so positive and it makes dd want to try harder every practice. I would not tolerate the situation you are describing powerhouse gym or not. I would look to one of the other gyms with positive coaching. Why do you think the gym 5 min away isn't very successful? Is that based on meet scores? I would go to that gym and watch a practice before deciding.

 

[GymDad9.9]

We're at a very strong compulsory program with stern (with love) coaching, but I have rarely, if ever, seen the girls coming out of practice crying.

 

[wandrewsjr]

Yes, I would most certainly make the life altering decision to remove my 6 year old child from a yelling coach at level 2. Whether a stronger program is worth the longer drive would depend on how it would affect the rest of your family. Do you have the free time to add that drive time, if you have other kids that may be affected, etc. Being in a stronger program at level 2/3 isn't necessary, but preferable if the drive won't negatively affect the family.

 

[amiandjim]

We're at a very strong compulsory program with stern (with love) coaching, but I have rarely, if ever, seen the girls coming out of practice crying.

This. DD level 2 coaches are not all sunshine and rainbows and are pretty strict but I don't hear yelling and I don't see girls coming out crying.

 

[Natasha]

Your daughter is young. Find a place with positive coaching where she can continue to love the sport. Harsh coaching at L2 is not needed or appropriate.

 

[superkb16]

Thank you for all your responses. The drive isn't too big of a deal to me. I have 2 year old twins who could take a class one of the nights we are there and have family in town to help out other times. It more my husband who doesn't understand the drive if there is a gym very close. I guess my best bet would be to go to the two gyms and watch the practices and talk to the coaches. I appreciate your input.

 

[amiandjim]

If it helps, we drive 45-60 min to our gym...took a while to convince DH but now that we have been there for a few months, he absolutely sees the benefit
(We do have a carpool though).

 

[CCGymbug]

Allow me to say "its Level 2, for goodness sake". I wouldn't make any life altering decisions based on what happens at Level 2.

But at the same time if this is what the coach says to a bunch of kids under 7, how do the treat the older girls? I think this is more the issue than training.

 

[profmom]

I did not hear this comment myself. I asked her in car after practice about what the coaches said about the meet and her response was "she said we did bad, very very bad". As far as practice, I usually watch the last 20-25 minutes on occasion and you can hear the screaming in the waiting room and the girls crying on many occasions. I am not saying they need to be coddled and all for firm coaching, but I know if others are like my child, a good job or a small positive comment can go a long way and make my child work harder to get those comments.

Get out now. Don't look back. This is not necessary, nor is it normal.

 

[CCGymbug]

I would ask to speak to the coach and express your concerns and clarify what happened. Can you hear what is being yelled? Is the coach just trying to make sure everyone hears or is it putting down and bullying? I would not be happy with a bully for a coach but many coaches do raise their voice. I would be most concerned about what came out of his or her mouth more. We have a couple of younger girls that are just criers. I also came up against parents who hated a coach that I loved because they thought she was harsh with the girls when in reality they misinterpreted what was happening. Girls were made to condition extra when they would not stop talking, ignoring rules and not doing what they were supposed to do. The parents asked their kid and only got 1/2 the story. Now this is a professional person who coaches for free (in exchange for kids tuition) because she loves it, she loves the girls and wants to help them succeed. She could afford tuition, this is for true love of sport and kids. When I heard the parents frustration with this coach I explained all of this and why she did x and how z was a misinterpretation. On the flip side I addressed concerns with said coach and she was horrified and worked to reign in "the yelling." She now has become one of the most loved coaches. On the flip side a really close friend was at a gym where all the coach wanted was a win and spent a significant amount of time the class post states yelling her disappointment with the girls getting 2nd place (out of 80+teams). She was also going to require my friend's DD to repeat level 3 when her score were close to 37 and she already had all required lvl 4 skills....needless to say I have had at least 2 friends leave that gym. So there is a story to every side. Just make sure you know the truth before making a decision.