Question for Coaches or Parents Who Have Experienced Similar,
My little daughter (turned 5 on Tuesday) has always had a tendency to have what we call "silent temper tantrums." That is, if she becomes unhappy or doesn't get what she wants she just stops whatever she is doing and stands without moving, refuses to talk or move, and generally withdraws. The summer before last, she had to miss a field trip at her preschool because the teachers were unable to carry her (which is what she wanted) and keep up with the rest of the children. She was made to miss the next field trip and it was explained to her clearly why she was missing it.
All it took was one missed field trip and she was much more compliant and she learned that silent temper tantrums were a non-starter on field trips.
She's been moved to a developmental program in her gym and mostly gets along fine but the coach noted her "quiet resistance" during a couple of classes. These episodes usually happen when she becomes frustrated. Most recently, the group moved to a skill she has been having trouble with and rather than even try the skill, she just stopped and stood there, refusing to look at or talk to the teacher.
So... basically, this is a child who doesn't really act out but might just freeze in the middle of practice without you knowing why. I knew why in the case above because I knew she was frustrated by the skill but her coach had no idea what was going on.
I've see two different coaching approaches to this unfortunate habit of hers.
1. Coach one removed her from the group as soon as it was clear that she was starting to go in to one of these episodes and told her she could rejoin the group when she was ready. Result: She sat stubbornly for a while (10-15 minutes) and then rejoined the group.
2. Coach two tried to her to reason with her and even lifted her and moved her to put her in line, etc. Coach two seemed to feel really bad that ZZ was upset (which made me feel bad). Result: After 10-15 minutes, she recovered and decided to participate.
Sorry for being long-winded but wanted to give you the full story of the alternatives I've seen.
Question: How would you handle this type of child (keeping in mind that this is a preschooler). And, to take coach one's approach one step further, do you think it would be helpful to have the child taken home for the day by their parent rather than just temporarily removed from the group?
As little ZZ's mom, I recognize that these are really her version of temper tantrums and do not want to allow her to get away with them. She loves gymnastics and asks to go every day (she goes twice a week). Her quiet temper tantrums are not a function of her not enjoying whatever the activity is, just how she deals with frustration or not getting what she wants.
Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
Best Wishes,
ZZMom
My little daughter (turned 5 on Tuesday) has always had a tendency to have what we call "silent temper tantrums." That is, if she becomes unhappy or doesn't get what she wants she just stops whatever she is doing and stands without moving, refuses to talk or move, and generally withdraws. The summer before last, she had to miss a field trip at her preschool because the teachers were unable to carry her (which is what she wanted) and keep up with the rest of the children. She was made to miss the next field trip and it was explained to her clearly why she was missing it.
All it took was one missed field trip and she was much more compliant and she learned that silent temper tantrums were a non-starter on field trips.
She's been moved to a developmental program in her gym and mostly gets along fine but the coach noted her "quiet resistance" during a couple of classes. These episodes usually happen when she becomes frustrated. Most recently, the group moved to a skill she has been having trouble with and rather than even try the skill, she just stopped and stood there, refusing to look at or talk to the teacher.
So... basically, this is a child who doesn't really act out but might just freeze in the middle of practice without you knowing why. I knew why in the case above because I knew she was frustrated by the skill but her coach had no idea what was going on.
I've see two different coaching approaches to this unfortunate habit of hers.
1. Coach one removed her from the group as soon as it was clear that she was starting to go in to one of these episodes and told her she could rejoin the group when she was ready. Result: She sat stubbornly for a while (10-15 minutes) and then rejoined the group.
2. Coach two tried to her to reason with her and even lifted her and moved her to put her in line, etc. Coach two seemed to feel really bad that ZZ was upset (which made me feel bad). Result: After 10-15 minutes, she recovered and decided to participate.
Sorry for being long-winded but wanted to give you the full story of the alternatives I've seen.
Question: How would you handle this type of child (keeping in mind that this is a preschooler). And, to take coach one's approach one step further, do you think it would be helpful to have the child taken home for the day by their parent rather than just temporarily removed from the group?
As little ZZ's mom, I recognize that these are really her version of temper tantrums and do not want to allow her to get away with them. She loves gymnastics and asks to go every day (she goes twice a week). Her quiet temper tantrums are not a function of her not enjoying whatever the activity is, just how she deals with frustration or not getting what she wants.
Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
Best Wishes,
ZZMom