WAG Why Are Parents the Enemy?

[raenndrops]

why not? i really do not understand. this is between the kid and the coach. kid did not work hard enough, kid has to leave high hour group. logical consequence, great learning experience. if kid is above age 7 or so i do not see how the parent needs to be involved. unless you think changing groups hurts the kid in an important way - this is imo not the case unless we are talking elite training and the like when such a change in hours would be of serious consequences. but for a kid doing some gymnastics while it is young? what is the difference? why does it matter if is doing 12 hours or 16?

in other words: i think many parents shoud reevaluate what they consider to be of "major" imprtance in their kid's lifes. of major importance are a loving family, friends, fun, health, meaningful experiences and education. religion, too, if you guys are into that. adult's should have an adult's perspective imo and not try to copy their kid's perspective ("i have a drop in hours, the world is going to end!").

The problem with your thinking is that the parents in the "no communication with coaches" scenario is that the coaches could be missing.
We have 3 girls on our team with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. We also have 6 girls on team with asthma and 4 with ADHD.
If the parents did not communicate this to coaches / teachers, it could result in a variety of issues:
1. Gymnast could be seen as not working hard enough or playing around.
2. Gymnast could have a serious asthma attack (I read recently of a student who died at school because of an asthma attack - the school knew he had asthma, but insisted his inhaler be safely kept in the principal's office). If the gym doesn't know about the asthma, they may yell at the gymnast for trying to get to an inhaler.
3. If they don't know about the ADHD, they won't know about any behavior plan in place. Without communication, the coaches won't know about adjustments in medication or be able to provide additional insight needed when determining a treatment plan.

 

[raenndrops]

Although, I guess I have to agree that culturally, our generation of parents is much more helicopter-y than mine and it is detrimental. I was a child who's parents were totally hands off who came home when the street lights came on, I understand and completely value independence, my own and my kids. But that doesn't mean that I'm willing to blindly turn over the same ultimate authority to a coach, and I don't think my child should either. There is a line that needs to be actively walked ALL the time, so it just burns me up that coaches have painted ALL parents with the same brush.

I grew up like you... Parents being hands-off was good most of the time, but my first year on a baseball team, my head coach (and his assistants) were all potheads. The next year, my dad was one of the coaches... but that was because he had experience.

 

[raenndrops]

Keep in mind that some teams are very large and this is not possible. I have over 90 girls on team, thats 90 to 180 meetings a year! (just thew up in my mouth).

In that case, a group parent meeting at the beginning of the year (1 for team newbies, 1 for all compulsories and 1 for all optionals - the newbie meeting deals with stuff the veterans already know: gym policies, etc. The other meetings for meet information, money stuff, and practice groups, etc.).

 

[coachmolly]

I don't think parents are the enemy or bad, they are key supporters of their child and the program. They're the ones who write the checks, drive to meets, and allow their child to spend hours in the gym each week. They know their children and can provide crucial information to help me as a coach- medical problems, behavioral issues, things going on at school impacting performance, etc. I encourage parents to share this information with the coach and to work together to make the gym the best possible environment for their child. I don't mind when parents ask questions- not so much about why Suzy scored less than Sally- but more general questions. I don't see it as being pushy and appreciate parent involvement to some degree.
But just as coaches typically need to work to earn the trust of parents, parents must also show the coaches that they too can be trusted. Show the coach you support them and appreciate them. Let them know you are happy with how they are working with your child. Let them do their job. When you're doing this, when questions do come up about how your child is doing or what the plan is for the near future, the coach will probably be more willing to engage you because they know you support them, trust them, and are sincerely seeking information.
The parents I have the most trouble with are the ones who do not have a proven track record of supporting me as a coach- the ones who complain about other coaches, who refuse to speak to me, who coach their kids from the side of the floor. These parents never have a nice word to say, so if they were to come with me with something posed as an "honest question," my guard would be up immediately.

 

[gymgal]

Keep in mind that some teams are very large and this is not possible. I have over 90 girls on team, thats 90 to 180 meetings a year! (just thew up in my mouth).

But are you the coach for all those 90 girls? If so - I feel for you! If not, then the coaches of the individual levels would do the meetings.

 

[gymgal]

I really hope this thread makes some better coaches. Dealing with gym coaches is the worst part of parenting.

Just sayin'.

hahahahaha!! I can't really say that as I like dd's coaches and feel in general that they do well keeping me informed. But hearing the stories here on CB...

 

[dancingimmie]

I just thought of a story that illustrates why communication between a coach and parent is so important.
One day after practice my dd and her coach were looking frustrated. I had an opportunity to ask if everything was ok and coach says my dd was difficult today. He continues to tell me that she can do "x" skill better then an 18 yr old but when he says "yz" she just stares blankly at him. That was an eye opening moment for both of us. Coach is a young eastern European guy. He has no idea how an 8 yr old American girl acts. So I explained that she may be able to do skills an 18 yr old can do but shes 8 so when she's not at gym she's playing with dolls... just because she can keep up with the big girls doesn't mean she understands like a big girl, she still plays with dolls. This one conversation made a huge impact, in a good way, on how he relates to my dd. One less then 5 minute conversation. They have an amazing working relationship and he communicates with her on her level.

 

[BachFlyer]

gym to to a . m the normal ups and downs, etc.[/

hahahahaha!! I can't really say that as I like dd's coaches and feel in general that they do well keeping me informed. But hearing the stories here on CB...

I couldn't help myself
I like my dd's, too, and I trust them. It hadn't always been easy to get there but on the whole I know they mean well now. That has not always been the case at different points in her journey and with various coaches. Even though it's mostly irrelevant now because my kid is old enough to think and speak for herself, I certainly won't miss the weird dynamic when it's all said and done. And I feel bad for newbie parents who just want to do right by their kid and don't have any clue about the cultural wall they are up against.

 

[Really]

No, I don't think so.

I don't even teachers get that kind of formal type training.

Oh no. We had to take a 3 credit course on Family-school partnerships in my teacher training program.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

[QUOTE=", parents playing on the equipment while they're waiting, [/QUOTE]

This is actually a thing??? Who knew? I have always wondered what it would be like to jump into the foam pit!

Seriously though, on what planet would any parent think that was ok?

 

[MILgymFAM]

[QUOTE=", parents playing on the equipment while they're waiting,

This is actually a thing??? Who knew? I have always wondered what it would be like to jump into the foam pit!

Seriously though, on what planet would any parent think that was ok? [/QUOTE]

My husband asked to use equipment twice, once each at two different gyms. The first time he asked (and yes he really did ask this) if he could jump from a balcony onto the climbing rope and Tarzan into the pit. The answer was obviously no, but in asking he found out the owner had allowed someone to do it in the past. Second time he asked to try a trampoline and was allowed- coach even put him in a belt and let him back flip.

Me? I would never want to use any equipment. No thank you.

 

[Really]

I really hope this thread makes some better coaches. Dealing with gym coaches is the worst part of parenting.

Just sayin'.

OMG. This reminds me of how my DD's L2 (pre-team) coach sent all the L2 parents an article on "how to parent our young athletes." I was so annoyed. Can you imagine if I sent the coaches all an article I found on the internet on how to coach, how inappropriate that would be? I don't tell coaches how to do their job, don't tell all of us parents how to do ours. Particularly if you don't have children of your own.

 

[wandrewsjr]

OMG. This reminds me of how my DD's L2 (pre-team) coach sent all the L2 parents an article on "how to parent our young athletes." I was so annoyed. Can you imagine if I sent the coaches all an article I found on the internet on how to coach, how inappropriate that would be? I don't tell coaches how to do their job, don't tell all of us parents how to do ours. Particularly if you don't have children of your own.

Yikes.

 

[duyetanh]

No, I don't think so.

I don't even teachers get that kind of formal type training.

Teachers do. And thank God they do, because it helps. Ooh boy, don't get me started on some of the parents I've dealt with. If I were a drinker....

 

[Deleted member 14190]

But are you the coach for all those 90 girls? If so - I feel for you! If not, then the coaches of the individual levels would do the meetings.

Yes I am responsible for all.

 

[duyetanh]

Yes I am responsible for all.

OMG....ok....out of 90 girls, that means potentially up to 180 parents.....
.....I am sure there are at least few crazies....the numbers are just too great.
Good lord!

 

[gymdog]

parents playing on the equipment while they're waiting,

This is actually a thing??? Who knew? I have always wondered what it would be like to jump into the foam pit!

Seriously though, on what planet would any parent think that was ok?

Lol, watch a parent/tot class. No matter how many times you review the rules...oh boy. I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.

 

[raenndrops]

My husband asked to use equipment twice, once each at two different gyms. The first time he asked (and yes he really did ask this) if he could jump from a balcony onto the climbing rope and Tarzan into the pit. The answer was obviously no, but in asking he found out the owner had allowed someone to do it in the past. Second time he asked to try a trampoline and was allowed- coach even put him in a belt and let him back flip.

Me? I would never want to use any equipment. No thank you.

The girls' dad has gotten permission to do some playing at open gym (even though gym was strictly for ages through 17. He told them if he got injured, they could drag him out to the road and then call EMS, lol.
The coach even spotted him on a back tuck into the pit.

 

[mommyof1]

There really isn't that much for a gym to communicate to a parent. Progress ebbs and flows; skills come and go; sometimes you make the next level, sometimes you don't. It's all normal. The gym only really needs to communicate when something is abnormal - kids aren't getting along with each other, a kid is getting too frustrated, a kid is doing something dangerous, the coach has some concerns outside the normal ups and downs, etc.

I think much of the concern is over failure to communicate in the abnormal situations you list. What causes anxiety for parents is not being able to trust that the coach will initiate communication when something like this comes up. Then you find out at move-up time when it's too late to do anything about it.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Have a meeeting once a year. Send out an email with what is going on. It isn't hard. Always say that if a parent has a concern or problem to go to the coaches. Then it is heard that parents can set up a meeting as needed. I have had kids in this sport for 10 years. I have called exactly 1 meeting.
The difference between gymnastics and other things is that we pay a lot of money and our kids are in your hands for 4-5 hour stretches numerous days a week. Other sports the practices aren't that long and typically parents stay. Gym is not like that. Plus, we have to hear all the pent up emotions coming out of our child at the end of every practice and that is a lot of drama to deal with. having communication from the gym helps us deal with our kids.